Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Creating A Restore Point

A plan B, another option we can fall back on if other ventures don't pan out. Applicable not only on our Windows operating system (if you're not into IT you probably didn't consider that) but in our life. I'm sure we all have realized this before and have contingency plans set up to secure us. I ask tonight though, besides creating restore points, why not create "destination points" you may be thinking, those are called goals! Not necessarily a goal... A "destination point" is more vital in our life than just a goal. It's a point we have no other option than needing to arrive at. Perhaps create imaginary "destination points" in our life by analyzing our current track and avoid the path we don't wish to be on at all costs.

I suppose this makes more sense in my head as it probably does for you... but it's basically not doing something to reach a goal instead of only thinking of what we have to do to reach a goal. I want to reach my goal of 250 by Christmas, I know I am not going to eat that piece of cake and I know I am not going to feel tired after work to only go home and veg on the sofa!

What if I could look a month into the future and realize that the squeaking sound coming from my front driver's side wheel was an issue that would cause my tire to fall off while driving on a major highway, causing me to be killed. Sounds silly, and it's only a theory but who's to say it won't happen? That squeaking will inevitably lead to an issue if not resolved, so who knows what the issue will be? If I was certain that the accident would happen I would be doing everything right now in my power to make sure it never got that bad. That determination of doing whatever it takes to divert a situation is what I am thinking of calling a "destination point" doing anything in your power to prevent an inevitable situation in your life.

Perhaps some people just don't realize they're current destination points on their life, while others can see them clearly? They are undoubtedly there and yet it's not motivating them to divert the situation? Does this mean they've given up on life?

P.S. Been a while since I've blogged! I have been wanting to write about a few things but usually just change my mind at the last minute... Hope all is well!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Marxter

I've been watching the show Dexter lately, partially because I've had a cold for the past week and multiple friends tell me how good it is and how much I'd like it! It's about a friggin psychopath murderer who thinks he's doing the world good by murdering people! What made my friends think I would like such a show!!? I don't know who they think I am but they sure do know me! I love it!!! lol... I'm not here to talk about the the reasoning or thought pattern of a serial killer, only to talk about how similar I feel to Dexter...
The way he has to live a double life and not let anyone in. It's not really something he chooses to do but something he's been hardwired to live by. I hate that I feel so much a like but I don't believe there's a way to change. I'll let people get close but eventually I find a way to push them a way. Perhaps I fear they'll just leave any way so I shorten the stay... idk. I'm oil that just doesn't mix with water it seems. The worse thing is, is that living like this used to be harder but now it's something I'm accustomed to. If I truly let someone in, I'm not sure to as how long they'd stay. Anyway, now time for a random dream I had!


I was on my Grandparent's dock, I was with my sister and nephew. My sister was up in my grandparent's backyard on the concrete that divides their yard. For some reason I let my 3 year old nephew go and run to her. As he was running a long the seawall he got too close to the edge and fell off into the water. I remember right after letting him go, as he was half way across the seawall, that he was going to fall in. I was frozen on the dock knowing this and just waiting, thinking, hoping I was wrong. He fell in and right before I jump in the water I think that my phone is going to get ruined. --Now I have quite a few crazy intense horrific dreams and to tell you the truth they don't bother me. What bothered me mostly about this dream is that I thought about my phone before jumping in the water. --Back to the dream... The thought of my phone races through my mind but I ignore it and jump in. I see my sister screaming and about to jump into the water but decided not to since I was already diving down for him. All I remember is being thankful the tide wasn't higher than is was and in mid swim to the bottom I forced myself awake, knowing that this was not reality.


I wonder some times if I think about things, things around me, things that normally your sub-conscience may pick up on but you never realize, too much. In my opinion, it seems pretty intricate that in my dream I analyzed the height of the water to the seawall and determined what the depth of the water was. I knew if it was a high tide that there probably wasn't a chance that I could make it to the bottom. I also thought to myself that no matter what, I could not live with myself if I didn't come back up with my nephew in my arms. I would have undoubtedly swam as far as I could even if I didn't have the breathe... 


I'm thinking about Dexter again and how in his every day life he is one of the nicest people to know. Brings donuts pretty often to work for everyone to enjoy and never seems to turn anyone down that asks for help, even if he was in the middle of killing someone. It's like he is the perfect definition of night and day. Although in his mind he only lives to make people happy. He only kills to make sure no one else gets hurt, at least so far through season 2 that is... I guess what I need to work on more is being prepared on going in for the kill. Obviously not literally, but learn how to continue being Mr. nice guy while at the same time not changing a beat when the situation requires. Instead of feeling inferior and anxious surprise them by being unusually calm and confident in the time of quarrel.

Anywayz enough about that stuff! I'm on about day 7 of having this cold and feel like it'll be completely gone by day 9. 3 days of coming, 3 days of residence and 3 days leaving! It sux because I haven't been to the gym in a good week but there's no way I could have worked out feeling like I do. I really want to hit my goal of weighing 250 by Christmas! It would be amazing to take a snowboarding trip early next year or perhaps the next winter... probably have to shoot for next winter considering the need of getting out of debt. Which I have been doing better at lately too. Well not actually paying it off, need to still send a large payment in but doing better with making stupid purchases. Before i by something I think about the actual material and time spent and who made the item before I purchase it. I'm trying to think before I buy, imagine that... Hopefully by this time next year I'll only have my car debt! And hopefully weigh under 200 pounds! It makes me excited thinking about it because I know how quickly a year passes, I've been blogging over a year which blows my mind! August 13th is when I started. Funny how i never really intended to keep going with this but it's nice being able to release me thoughts and who I am to the world and so far not having much response back from it. If people like reading about me and who I am than I'm happy with that. I know people are too because I see stats that people are specially googling me by searching, "mp3markel blogspot" anywayz, I'm outta here! I sure hope next year I'll be writing a blog on how I am under 200 pounds...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Addiction quickie...

Perhaps I'm addicted to food... I never really thought I was but I am wondering if I'm addicted or perhaps it's only just a habit right now. What determines an addiction from a habit though...? I am wondering this because I am currently not hungry and I have a sinus cold that has prevented me from tasting and smelling. Even though I am not hungry and I can't taste I am still craving a snack late at night! I just ate half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and realized, why am I eating this, I can't even taste it! I need to find a way to break this addiction some how and stick to it whenever I feel these cravings! It's ridiculous on what I eat only when my mind craves food and I'm not actually hungry... and now time for sleep!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Demonic

My demons = Debt, bad eating choices, and the internet

I've probably mentioned this before in previous blogs but it's been a while and this is on my mind, imagine that, right! I absolutely hate not being able to live a life and feeling free from worrying on making enough money to pay bills. ESPECIALLY when the bills are for department store accounts for merchandise you can't even remember purchasing. Now I know mostly of what purchases caused my debt but there is some that I haven't the clue since the debt is probably 6+ years old now...
The good thing is I have come to realize just how evil debt is, it's unfortunate it took me this long but luckily I am not in much debt so working my way out won't be too bad as other people may have it.
I was talking to a friend that recently paid his credit card debt off and he felt frustrated that he had to go back into more debt for his family. His parents are up to their eyeballs in debt (as so many people are nowadays) and could not afford to fly out to be with family at a brother's funeral. This is the real world effect and travesty of debt! If it weren't for my friend having the ability to purchase the flight, his father would have missed his brother's funeral! Being in debt and not being prepared for the unexpected is a terrible way to live through this short life of ours.
As I was saying though, I think I have finally realized this demon of debt and have a plan and motivation to get out of debt and to stay out of debt. I'm glad I realized this now rather than realizing it at 50 years old.

As far as the other 2 demons, bad eating choices and the internet... I have a goal set to lose 35 pounds by christmas to put my weight at 250 and a total of a 78 pound loss! The reason of stating the internet as a demon is becuase it keeps me up too late at night. I'm working on shutting down the computer and going to sleep before 11! Staying up til 2-3 in the morning for the past 3 years is over, my body has felt the effects! Once I get a good month of sleep I'll be anxious to post the results and how it has changed the way I feel. I know I've said this before but this time it's happening! Anywayz, gotta get outta here! Good night blogger universe!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 - 10 Years Past

It's been a while since I've posted a blog. I haven't forgotten or hadn't had time, just been mulling over ideas of what I want to post. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to open up to everyone and expose myself to anyone reading. I guess I continue because I've decided that I don't give a crap of what people think of me. If people don't like it then stop reading, it's simple.

So I woke up pretty early this morning, earlier than I intended to for a day off... I am glad to be given another day though. Today is September 11th 2011, 10 years since the attacks on America. I get teary eyed seeing those families mourn their loved ones, and anger when thinking of the people that did this and can't help myself but to look at conspiracy videos on Youtube that question if the government had any part in this. The questions and evidence they raise only brings one to question it. I don't think it's un-American to question because I honestly don't trust this government. Questioning if the government had a role does not disrespect those lost, or the service men and woman that gave their lives. It only signals my deep desire rooted in my heart to make sure that those ALL who had a part in the attack pay for what they did with their lives. The death of Osama was an accomplishment but still leaves a feeling that there are more people accountable whom are still alive.

Every anniversary of 9/11 makes me feel an assortment of feelings, mostly that I haven't gotten my personal feeling of satisfaction for revenge. I guess it's a feeling that lingers with all Americans whom experience a tragedy like this one or any of the wars America has been through. The terrorists thought they'd put a crack in America but instead only made us stronger as a nation. I do question if they succeeded in damaging our economy... Not something anyone wants to admit but because of this war, the economy has suffered. We will rebuild and eventually be financially strong again.

You know 9/11 was a defining moment, it hasn't damaged America as a nation but I believe did significantly put America on a different route pre-9/11. I am leaving for now but perhaps I will come back to this conversation at a later time.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

What I want isn't what I need...

I'm sure you've felt like you really had to have something or just couldn't live without something before. You think about it routinely and you mull over the reasons on why you should and shouldn't obtain it. I've had this issue of mulling over the idea for 11 years now. I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably never stop mulling over the should and shouldn'ts of what I want. I know what I need and the first step to obtaining my need is to realize I actually already have what I want. I've been born with what I want and only need to form it into what I wish...

Sorry for the riddles but I had to blog this for myself... Anywayz...

My weight loss is still at a stand still, 287 now, gained a couple of pounds while I was healing from a bad sunburn from Daytona beach... I'm on a diet plan program but not sure if it's going to work for me... I just want to have lost a total of 50 pounds and feel like I can't get there! It's soo aggravating! I want to be able to go into the mall and fit into clothes! Anywayz, it's getting close to 4 o'clock and I need to get ready to see the final Harry Potter!!! I've started watching the series this past week and absolutely love it! Can't wait to read the books and visit Wizarding World at Universal! More on Harry Potter later!

I <3 all of my anonymous readers!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Quantum physics in a non scientific explanation.

Is this even possible, idk. I probably don't even know what I'm talking about but I just watched Source Code and called what was going to happen before the half of the movie was over! This might contain spoilers so be aware!

In the movie some government agency is experimenting with a new technology that lets this person in a vegetable state (but with some brain matter functioning) connect to the last 8 minutes of a person's conscience right before they die. The agency thought this connection was only their vegetable agent connecting to their last energy before death and seeing their conscience for the last 8 minutes of their life. 

What I called was that the agent would eventually come to find that this was not an energy but an alternate reality. The changes he was making were effecting different realities. I predicted that he would resolve the issue before the person dies and that he would return back to the agency and they wouldn't even know what he was talking about when he reported that he solved the situation that killed people, and I was mostly right! Instead of returning he died in one reality but he made contact with the woman working for the government agency and told her what would happen in her future and that the bomb was diverted due to their new technology. They didn't realize that they actually saved lives and that the technology worked.


I was reading some articles online about quantum physics and let me tell you, I understand pretty much nothing! Although the theory of parallel universes has always been unsettling to me, watching this movie had me think of a blog I've written previously. Before I get back into that though read what I found in this article:
     "Our concepts of cause and effect will fly out the window," says Ben Bova, the science fiction author. "People will -- for various reasons -- try to fix the past or escape into the future. But we may never notice these effects, if the universe actually diverges. Maybe somebody already has invented a time machine and our history is being constantly altered, but we don’t notice the kinks in our path through time."
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/04/05/freaky-physics-proves-parallel-universes/ 


-End of quote


Perhaps you right now have just traveled from or to an alternate universe and don't even realize it. Perhaps you made a bad decision and decided to travel back into time (alternate universe) to try and resolve the mistake you made. Only thing is, you don't know the mistake you made. You don't know the mistake because we cannot communicate with our alternate self in a parallel universe all we can do is switch from one universe to the other and hope we correct our mistake.


Suppose I walk down the road and try crossing the busy highway and get hit and killed by a vehicle. I would have been gone from this universe. Perhaps I continue to sit here and type this blog and decide not to walk across the busy highway, would this be my alternate universe? Perhaps when the car hit and killed me, my body flew across the road and caused another accident that killed another innocent life. Could I still sit here and type this blog and at the same time give a call to the innocent person that was about to have my body fall on their windshield in the alternate universe to warn them and maybe save their life? That's what happened in Source Code, he warned of a train accident and prevented it from happening. Luckily the person he told helped prevent this accident, understood this theory and therefore knew it was truth.


So I wonder to myself... perhaps quantum physics isn't something we're going to solve or understand and perhaps we're not supposed to. Perhaps what some call quantum physics and it's alternate universes, are actually just our every day decisions? We will never be able to communicate with our alternate decisions because we didn't make them in this universe. You were brought to the universe you're in right now by your decisions, perhaps every second that passes we're traveling from one to another. What if all of us have this infinite amount of universes that we will all travel through but once we leave it, it's gone. Perhaps there is no "time" and only our souls travel through universe to universe quicker than we can realize. In my blog,  "God and His wind-up toy..." I refer to this subject (not knowing at the time that it would relate to quantum physics) as a labyrinth, mazes or paths we choose.


God knows the universe we'll end in.
God gave us the ability to choose.
God sent us on this journey so we could be accountable at the end.
God doesn't predestine us for hell.
God wants souls that are for Him, I don't know the reason but there always is one with Him.


I'm telling you this because my heart is telling me it's rational, it all makes sense and this is what our life is about.


Remember in my blog (I thought I was wacko after reading it) about seeing yourself in a mirror reflection for an infinite amount of times? They can all by the same image and you can even predict the outcome of any movement in all of them! You could also shatter the first mirror and do something drastic that alters inner images that went on for an infinity. This shattering is called making a choice to alter your path.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Puzzled

As we age we gain experience and knowledge. These pieces of information are what form us. Some of us miss typical experiences and other just experience a completely different culture. Not one of us are the same, not one of us think the same or look the same. We may share opinions but not in every area of our thought.

Uhhh, the stuff that's making me feel depressed right now are things I cannot talk about and it sux... I have no one to talk to and the people that want to listen I don't want them to hear.... what to do!

I want to believe that obtaining my goals will make me happy but I'm wondering if they actually will. What I want feels like it would only come true in a dream, not because I feel like it won't be reached but because I feel horror if it actually came true. Twisted isn't it? Well that's what I'm dealing with... a twisted mess. I need to realign the pieces to create a reality that works, not just one I may want.

Workin out is working out!

Couldn't think of a different title :oP

So I started out at weighing 328 pounds and now proud to say I'm at 284! That's a 44 pound loss! I can't believe I took that much off in only a little over 4 months! I guess that's about right but for someone that's always been overweight it seems like a huge milestone! Most of my body is still flabby but I can start to feel more of my forearms and biceps getting dense. I'm going to lose this weight and get in shape no matter what I have to do! I'm going to make sure I maintain a healthy diet, won't be starving myself. When I lost this weight previously the fad diet was basically starvation...
I think what's motivating me now is I just want to experience a solid body. I don't want any flab, anywhere! I wonder if it's even possible for my body to actually look good when this weight comes off... I guess I can't dwell on it too much just lose this weight and go from there I guess.
OMGawd, losing weight is such a mental battle! The feelings your body goes though because you're making it adjust to something new is tragic! Today I was feeling anger, depression and hate! I know this isn't how i normally feel, I just had to tell myself I can overcome these feelings, I am stronger. My body wants to just go home after work and veg but I forced myself to go to the gym. The gym helped release those feelings as well, which is a great thing!
I made a goal for next month of losing 16 pounds before August! So far it's going good, I'll be sooo happy if I meet this goal! It will put me at a 59 pound loss and at a weight of 269! I think back now to February and think of me stepping on that scale and weighing 328! I will never get to that weight again! So many more things are changing in my life just because of this loss already, I am so excited to get down to 190! Who knows what change that will make in my life!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Details on: Holes in Ireland and An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes

So if you read the previous blog entry about my two dreams I had this morning, I feel these are some how connected to an actual experience I had and a dream from about 18 years ago.

I was sitting in my family room on the recliner, watching TV. My Dad was asleep and my mom hadn't come home from work yet. As I was watching TV I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, a white plastic bag from Universal Studios with E.T. on it was hanging from the back rest of the dining room chair. As I looked at the bag I noticed it was moving. The bag had something in it that I knew weighed it down enough to where a fan or draft from the A.C. could not be moving it. Yet as I watched, it was moving back and fourth. It freaked me out and I did nothing until my Mom came walking in. As she walked in, the bag stopped moving.

The reason I mention this is because that very same bag was the bag I has used to put the fruit my grandfather gave me in my dream from the previous blog entry.

And now for a dream I had about the same time, 18 years ago...

In the dream it seemed like my family was having a birthday party for me. All of my family from the Mattix side was over celebrating something. I can remember wanting to show my Grandfather and his friend some sort of item of mine. I want to say it was a medallion of some soft but I cannot remember, I mostly only remember what happened in this dream, not many specifics. In this dream it felt like it created a sense of history of dealing with this problem. The issue was, I felt an invisible force constantly tugging and pulling on me. No matter where I was this force could pull me in any way it wanted. It could grab my shirt sleeve or even arm and start pulling me away. I was so frightened by this force, I assumed it was a spirit or ghost doing this to me. For some reason I felt not only terrified of it but also embarrassed of it, I spent most of my time trying to ignore it.
So as I waled to my room to get this item i wanted to show everyone I felt this force start to mess with me. I got the item and went back to the family room and showed everyone. As I was showing it to everyone the force that was pulling me started to happen again. It was pulling my sleeve back toward the front of my house. What's weird is imagine someone actually pulling you by your sleeve. If you swing your arm in a circle you can make the person pulling it break away from you. So this is what I did while talking to everyone and making it look like I swang my arm in this way as part of me explaining what I was showing them. After doing this this force of being pulled left and didn't bother me again for a while.

What's so interesting about this dream is how it has come true in my life. No I'm not physically being pulled by the sleeve but mentally I sometimes deal with the same issue. I feel anxious and feel like I'm being sucked out of my life or like I can't experience it fully. I'm constantly being pulled back into my feeling of safety and not wanting to experience anything new. I sometimes have wondered if this dream was a sign of what I'd be dealing with in life.

Holes in Ireland and An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes

Just the 2 titles of my dreams I just had, yes this is going to be a dream blog entry...

I would normally disregard these dreams as just being crazy random dreams but I've realized that you shouldn't take any dream lightly. I believe they all have a meaning.

Holes in Ireland:

I was riding in a power boat along a huge body of water in Ireland. At the beginning of the dream I didn't realize I was in Ireland. The person I was with was discussing a death of a young girl, I feel like there were 2 deaths but I know for sure there was a young girl. He said the death of this girl was claimed to be by a shark attack but for some reason he thought it was more than just a shark attack. He told me sharks have been known to be in these waters but because of some new holes he discovered in this water, he thought someone had been up to something. Apparently he knew the waters very well and upon discovering these holes he was shocked because of the depth of the holes and the man power it would take to create them.
Anyway, he took me to this area in the water where the water was very shallow, shallow enough to walk in. He showed me the 2 holes he discovered, these holes were about 75-100 feet in diameter. He told me this area he brought me to was once all flat and able to be walked across but now these holes appeared right near the time this girl died in the water. He lacked the technology to measure the depth of the hole but said by the blackness of the hole, he knew is was fairly deep.
That was all I can remember of that dream...

An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes:

I dreamed that I was at my grandparents home and they were cooking a large dinner. I think one of my uncle's family was on the back porch, but not in the house.
I enter their house from the back door and then enter the kitchen and see one of them opening an oven full of sweet potatoes that were cut like cantaloupes but I knew they were skinned sweet potatoes. I can't remember much of speaking to them, now that I think about it I was pretty much just observing them, like I wasn't even there. Now that I am writing this I remembered why I entered the house from the back door. I got off the boat that I used in Ireland and docked at their home. Hmm weird how these 2 dreams felt completely different but now they are connected...
Well as I walked through their home and saw the sweet potatoes cooking (a good 3-4 racks of them cooking) I walked out of their front door. As I was leaving I knew my family was waiting for me to hop in the truck so we could leave. As I left though I saw a bag with E.T. on it that I got from Universal Studios, that I had used to put nectarines and other fruit my grandfather gave me. All the fruit that was in this bag was dumped right next to the wall of the house. I remember feeling bad that my grandfather gave me all this great fruit and I neglected it and just let all of this good fruit dump over and on their house. As I noticed this fruit just spilled out I looked over to my family waiting in the truck. The truck they were waiting in was my Dad's old Ford truck that he had from about 18-19 years ago. I also knew that my family was the same age of this truck was old to me. So my Dad, Mom and Sister were 19 years younger than I was in the dream. While they were waiting in the truck I heard an Adam Sandler Christmas radio special blaring from the truck. It sounded like on of Adam Sandler's movies but they were just listening to the audio. So I proceed to pick up the fruit and felt anxiety come over me. I felt like such a failure for letting this fruit dump on the ground and I felt like I let my Grandfather down as some of the fruit had also rotted now since I left it outside on the ground. The fruit took me a long time as well to pick up, I could only lift one piece at a time so I knew my family was probably getting impatient waiting on me. I thought of these things and that was the end.

Which will lead me to my next dreams which I had about 18-19 years ago.... right now I am in tears because I believe that somehow these dreams I just had are connected to dreams I had over 18 years ago...

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friendship -My Attempt At Understanding?

Friendship is actually a topic I probably shouldn't write about. I think I've had a lot of bad experiences with friends and perhaps my opinion of friendships is going to be a negative one... I read online that a true friendship requires for the 2 people to have something to gain from one another. This doesn't mean a material object but a benefit to the other person, mentally. When I think about it, it makes sense.. Why do we like having friends? They make us happy and they are capable of pulling us out of daily worries and stress. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but when i started this blog I promised to myself and I think I wrote that I would never delete something I started writing... I feel the urge to now because I'm not really sure where this is going but I'll leave it...

I read that having a true friendship while in a marriage can help the woman and/or the man cope with stress and personal issues. Of course these "true friends" are with the same sex as the person, not the opposite. I believe that cross-sex friendships would only causes issues in a marriage... I guess for some people there are personal issues or things going on in their life that they can't or don't feel comfortable telling their partner in marriage. I always thought you'd be able to speak about anything to your partner. I guess I'm writing this because I'm not sure what a strong or true friendship is any more. I don't need friends for the mental or emotional support, (I think) I've got that under control; but having friends to at least be a more social person is a great thing. Some people really need and depend on friends, which is a great and healthy thing. It's just, I hope you don't put too much dependence on friends because at some point and time they'll let you down. You've gotta be strong for yourself.

Writing this blog I believe has helped me to be more in touch with my feelings and also understand other's feelings at the same time, some how. I can have conversations about controversial topics and still maintain a calm and relaxed composure without feeling offended or mad at the other person for not having the same views. I used to be pretty bad at holding a grudge for the person when they didn't think the same way I did. Anyway, I had a pretty personal convo with someone today and I was proud of what I had to say and how I said it. I value all life of human beings as highly valuable and never want to see a death of an innocent person, after or before being birthed. This person did not have the same views as I. I think certain wisdom comes to a person from age and their view of life is different at the age of 80 as their view at 20. I believe the 80 year old has the true perspective of life and what it really means and what we're supposed to do with our life. I told this person my raw thoughts and opinion (meaning I didn't sugar coat anything and just gave them examples of how a human thinks of age). I didn't realize that this would cause them to be emotional and I never even thought I could change a person's views of life, but I'm pretty sure I did. That reason is why I write this blog. I'm not sure if I make any sense to you reading this but I write it because it's on my heart. I rarely speak from my heart, I worry how someone will accept it and if they will accept it.

The real reason on why I wrote this is because I'm confused. I don't know what a friendship is or how one is supposed to work. All I can do perhaps is offer me, myself as an honest person with myself and with you. If we present ourselves as a false self we will never gain a closeness and eventually it will shatter and the realization of the wide gap will be there. Perhaps I am not the only one who hasn't been true, perhaps now I can see people of who and what they truly are and I'm noticing the gap now between us. We've been brain washed into feeling we have to act a certain way around specific people and cannot truly just be ourselves, personal, deep, thoughtful self. I mean everyone won't want to hear EVERYTHING we always have to say but if we are true to ourself at all times than that's all that matters. I think the easiest way of defining "being true to ourself" is not having he conscience thought or worry that someone isn't going to accept us for how we look or for who we are and believe. If this is the case we also won't feel like we need to impress anyone because if they don't like us for ourself than why bother to build a weak bridge over a gap they'll eventually crumble. Don't even waste our time... Be kind but be honest.

Friday, May 13, 2011

As Good As It Gets

My old Sunday school teacher once was talking about her car and how it broke down on her. She was praying to the Lord that she would be able to find an honest mechanic that wouldn't rip her off. She was also asked the Lord that if He could provide the means for a newer car, this would be even a greater blessing to her.

That got her thinking, Lord, why do I have to be inconvenienced of not having a vehicle when I see sinners about who don't even acknowledge You? The Lord told her that perhaps some of these sinners may only live a life of luxury and not the eternal life that I have planned for you. She realized that she shouldn't be jealous of others and to realize that our next life is where we should store our treasures and look forward to.

I always think of this when I see other people with the ideal physique or the expensive mansion and life of luxury. I'm not saying all of these people are sinners but we should realize that our treasure is in the next life. Don't be jealous of others because who knows, perhaps this is as good as it will ever get for them.
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I was thinking, this blog is mostly about me and basically writing it only for me it seems. I'm wanting to branch out and start writing inspirational messages that might effect others. I just don't know what to write about or how to gear it toward making people want to read this. I originally started this blog not intending for anyone else to actually read it, but I want someone to get some use out of it or at least comment back and tell me their opinions. IDK perhaps what I write about is hard to comment on?

Anyway back to what I was writing about... I'm not trying to rationalize my own short comings by saying perhaps the Lord has given these nice things to people since He knows they're going to hell. No I'm not saying that, anyone has the ability to fulfill the type of life they want here on Earth, Christian or whatever else they may be. I guess what I am saying is that we're all different because He all wants us to be unique with our own special talents or to have different perspectives on our understandings. Living a life of being overweight and feeling out of place will obviously have an effect on someone as will being in shape and attractive will have on another person. Some will cower, some will flaunt, but both will miss the point of what He had in store for us.

I came across Mother Teresa's poen, "Anyway" again and found it to be very applicable to what I'm writing now,


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

I must stop worrying so much about others and just concentrate on myself, there's a lot I need to work on and i need to be putting that first! Don't put your trust in people because they will fail you 100% of the time, put your trust in God knowing that what you do for Him will always be recognized.

P.S. I was just looking over my Blog and wow, is it motivational for me! I never realized how reading something you wrote earlier could really be motivating! I'll need to go back and re-read everything I have written. I can't believe it will be a year in August since I started. Most of my blogs seem to be about psychology or philosophical, am I normal for caring about this stuff and thinking about it sooo much!? No probably not, but perhaps creating a better understanding will help me better understand myself?

Anywayz, of course it's getting late, seems like my body is programmed to go to sleep at 2 in the morning NO MATTER WHAT. It is sooo annoying that I cannot go to sleep earlier, why is this so impossible for me? I need to change 2 things very soon in my life, my sleeping habits and pushing the anxiety further aside in order to help me find a new job! It sux that the thought of interviewing keeps me from pursuing a career. Sad but true I'm afraid... If you watch, "The Fairy Jobmother" you'll see I'm not the only one suffering as well... I will over come this! The Lord has made us to be capable of anything we set our minds too. My pastor told me that... and I believe it!

Sorry for such a random blog tonight!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Having a Relationship with The Lord... -My thoughts

Before discovering that interesting article on Google these are the thoughts I had and still do have...

What makes a Christian a Christian? Using myself as an example... I'm sure I've mentioned this in a previous blog but I grew up in a Church and just don't feel like I am truly different than someone else that may have not been raised in a Church. I'm not trying to place blame on anyone, it isn't my pastor's fault and it isn't my parent's fault. It's my fault for not pursuing a person relationship with the Lord.

Anyone can read the Bible, anyone you ask could tell you about how Jesus died for our sins to enable us with eternal life. Anyone can gather these facts and tell you they know them and that they are a Christian because they believe them and live by them. Anyone can do this, but I am thinking that perhaps this isn't what a true Christian is. I honestly shouldn't even use the word Christian because they're are plenty of followers of a specific religion that think they are doing as the religion specifies them to do, yet totally misses the point of what Jesus Christ wants us to do.

If a friend mentions to you of a wonderful book they just read and goes on to describe the book and why it's so wonderful, you will base your opinion on that book by what the described to you. Before you can even read the book for yourself you're going to have the pre-formed opinion in your mind. I think for some of us that were raised in the church or around religious people, this may have happened to us. We have formed our opinion of the Bible and what the Lord is, based solely on what we have heard. Whether we have heard things from our parents, pastor, Grandparents or friends, if we haven't read the book for ourselves we are only basing our opinion primarily on what we've heard other people tell us. If you have not read the Bible entirely, yet consider yourself a Christian, I'm asking you; why have you let other people form your opinion on how you're going to succeed at living an eternal life in Heaven? You can know what the Lord has done for us by sending Jesus Christ to earth in order to redeem our souls, you can know the 10 commandments and apply them to your life but you will biased opinion until reading the book the Lord has provided to you.

If I still haven't made you question what you currently believe, I ask this. What is your conscience and where does it come from? Does our conscience come entirely from us? Do you think it could be possible for the Lord or satan to influence our conscience? If we don't have a strong grasp (knowledge) on our beliefs, it will not take much for our opinion (if you're basing it on what you've heard) to sway when being attacked. I've written previously about a dream I had and how I realized that our brain is the link of our physical body and our spirit. I believe out conscience is the main communicator between the two as well. Whatever we are putting in our heads will effect our mind, body and most importantly, soul. If we have a strong grasp in our belief, our conscience will not question and our conscience will also not be able to sway when being attacked from satan.

To have a personal relationship with the Lord is to study what he says in the Bible, first. We should continue to study and question everything we do not understand in the Bible. Research using other books or Google for other people's ideas and opinions. The more information we have about our Lord and Saviour the closer we will be to knowing the Lord. When we know the Lord our personal relationship will begin to grow.

The Lord gave us the capability to seek Him out. If we're too lazy that we just choose to be ignorant and believe what we hear, I wonder what He thinks our our relationship? I'm sure He still loves us but if we knowingly are too lazy to learn or study about Him, I really don't think we would please Him.


Koinonia: is what Christians need to have with The Lord

Having a Relationship with The Lord...

This has been on my mind tonight. I Googled this phrase and was quite surprised on how much it applied to what I was wondering and already thought about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I will post my findings here and write the next blog on my own feelings and thoughts. So here is the article...

http://www.christinyou.net/pages/persrel.html

A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST

If you were asked to choose one of the following phrases to complete the sentence, which would you choose?
To be a Christian is...
(1) to believe that Jesus was born, lived, died, and was raised from the dead?
(2) to accept that God became a man in the person of Jesus Christ in order to reconcile all men with Himself?
(3) to receive Jesus and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

Option #1 - has to do with the historical Jesus and the events of His life in the first century.
Option #2 - has to do with the theology of Jesus which explains incarnation and Christology.
Option #3 - has to do with the personal, subjective experience of Jesus.
There really should be a fourth option: (4) All of the above. The objective historical foundation and theological formulation are essential prerequisites to the subjective relationship with Jesus. But if one's understanding of Christianity is comprised only of assent to the objective facts, and devoid of the subjective personal relationship with Jesus Christ, can such a person be considered a Christian?
What does it mean to have a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ"?
Evangelical Christians have often proclaimed and explained that to be a Christian is "to receive Jesus and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ." Many who have heard that proclamation have not been able to understand what evangelical Christians mean by that phrase. Is it possible for the non-Christian, the natural man, to understand or comprehend the meaning of that phrase?
The natural man can understand "religion" ­ how religious organizations function, how they solicit finances, how they utilize propaganda to get their message out. The natural man can understand rational assent to religious tenets, propositions, principles, statements of history, theology, and doctrine. The natural man can understand adherence to a belief-system, or devotion to an ideology or an organization. The natural man can understand "spirituality" if it is defined as the serenity of "well-being", or devotion to a meaningful cause, or the recollection of an ecstatic experience, or conformity to a moral ideal.
But is it possible for the natural man, the non-Christian, to understand what it means to "have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ"? The Apostle Paul explained that "the natural man cannot understand spiritual things" (I Cor. 2:14). Is "having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ" a spiritual reality that requires the presence and appraisal of the Spirit of Christ to understand what it means? If so, is it possible to adequately explain the meaning of this reality to a non-Christian?
A philosophy student, with whom I had an acquaintance, was very brilliant, well-read and articulate. He was willing and desirous of considering the facts of Christian history and theology under the microscope of human reason. But with a sneer and derisive comments full of scorn, he would mock and make deprecatory comments about those who referred to a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ." Why? This was outside of his ability to understand on a purely rational, philosophical and scientific level.

In our attempt to explain the phrase and its meaning we will consider the individual words of the phrase: (1) Relationship. (2) Personal. (3) Jesus Christ.
RELATIONSHIP - In its broadest sense this simply means that one object has a connection or correlation with another object. The relation of this to that. Mathematically, it may be the relationship of x to y. Geometrically, it may be the angle of relationship between one line and another line. Mechanically, it may be the relationship of the clutch to the drive shaft of an automobile, or one part of a machine to another part. Cosmologically, it may the relationship of earth to the sun; or even more extensively it may be the relation or relationship of everything in the universe to a constant (such as the speed of light within a vacuum), which is how Einstein developed his "Theory of Relativity", which was essentially a theory of relationship.
The above mentioned relationships are all impersonal relationships. As it is our objective to understand a personalrelationship, we must explore what that means.
personal relationship must involve at least one person. The first dictionary meaning of "personal" is defined as "how something relates to or affects a person." With this broad definition, a person can have a "personal relationship" with anything that affects or relates to them ­ a dog, a tree, a flower, a bottle of beer, etcetera ad infinitum.
An individual person might consider the historical evidence of a particular event or person, and then relate such to their own situation. Is that a personal relationship? An individual person might develop ideas into a logical explanation of how they fit together and function. Is that a personal relationship with a particular ideology? Can one have a personal relationship with history? ...philosophy? ...theology? If a person associates themself with, or relates to, a particular social unit, such as an organization like a fraternity, is that a personal relationship? Does loyalty, adherence, commitment and dedication to a grouping of other persons constitute a personal relationship? What is a personal relationship?
Surely the reader can recognize that I am questioning whether the phrase "personal relationship", as used in the evangelical terminology of contemporary religion, is but the personal affect that Christian history, theology and community have upon a person who consents and assents to relate to such. In its broadest definition this could be called a "personal relationship"; but are we content to accept that as the intent of the Christian relationship with Jesus Christ?
PERSONAL - How personal does the relationship have to be to be a personal relationship?
If you receive a loan from another individual, is there a personal relationship between the payer and the payee?
Is the legal and contractual relationship between an employer and employee a personal relationship?
Do you have a personal relationship with your great, great grandfather who may have died twenty years prior to your birth? Or is it just a biological and genealogical relationship of heritage?
Is it possible to have a personal relationship with George Washington or Napoleon Bonaparte?
Is there a necessary personal relationship between siblings within the same family? Does biological kinship establish a personal relationship?
Let me share a personal illustration: I have a sister. We are related. She is my relative. We have a genetic and biological relationship. Is that a personal relationship? I have not seen nor communicated with this sister for over twenty years, nor does she apparently ever desire to do so. Do we have a personal relationship?
We must admit that the broadest definition of a "personal relationship" allows for a unidirectional relationship whereby an individual person relates to an object, an idea, a cause, an image, a fantasy, a mental construct, or a person who is no longer living. A "personal relationship" also allows for a relationship of two or more persons that is merely contractual, biological or social.
But a "personal relationship" is also defined as a dynamic inter-relatedness between persons, an experiential relationship between two persons that involves subjective interaction and communication, a person-to-person relationship, the connection, correlation and interaction of at least two persons in what might be better termed aninterpersonal relationship.
I have an interpersonal relationship with Joe, for example. We are friends. We interact. We communicate back and forth. Since Joe is a Christian, I have a different kind of interpersonal relationship with him than I would have with a non-Christian friend. With a Christian friend I have something in common that allows for communion and fellowship (koinonia), a communication based on our spiritual commonality in Christ; a deeper level of interpersonal interaction and communication than I could have with a person who was not spiritually one with me in Christ.
But every other interpersonal relationship that I might have is not on the same level of experiential interpersonal relationship that I have with my wife. The interaction of our interpersonal relationship as husband and wife involves a connection, a "knowing", an intimacy, an "intercourse" (social and sexual) that is deeper than any other interpersonal relationship that I have. And the fact that she is a Christian wife allows a spiritual communion and oneness that makes our marital interpersonal relationship as deep as any human interpersonal relationship can be.
That is why the Apostle Paul uses the intimate interpersonal relationship of husband and wife as the best human and physical analogy to the interpersonal relationship of a Christian with Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-33). The closest oneness and intimacy of personal relationship on earth that can be used to picture and describe and explain the oneness and intimacy of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, is the marriage relationship.
JESUS CHRIST - What then is a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ"? Or would we be better served to refer, instead, to an "interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ", in order to avoid any idea that we are referring to an individual person relating to an object, an idea, a cause, an image, a fantasy, a mental construct, or a person that is no longer living?
Is a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ" just a relation of our mental assent to an historical Jesus? Is a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ" just an ideological relationship of belief based on the circumstantial evidence of reports that we can read in the Gospels of the New Testament? Is it possible to have an interpersonalrelationship with an historical personage that lived hundreds of years ago? Is it possible to have a interpersonalrelationship with a logical construct of theological tenets about God and His Son, Jesus Christ?
Or does an "interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ" necessitate an experiential, interactive relationship that involves an inter-relatedness, a oneness, a union, a commonality of identity, an intimacy, a "knowing" that can only be likened to the marriage relationship on earth?
That would necessitate the recognition that the Jesus of history, who walked around Palestine over 1900 some years ago, is still alive as a living Person, though in a different form ­ in a spiritual form, and capable of interacting in an interpersonal relationship with human persons today. That is the message of the Christian gospel ­ that Jesus lived, was crucified on the cross, and was raised from the dead in the resurrection, and having ascended to God the Father, He was "poured out" and made available in spiritual form, as the "Spirit of Christ" (Rom. 8:9), in order to indwell the spirits of persons in every age, becoming one with them in spiritual union, and becoming the basis of their new spiritual identity, as they engage in a dynamic interpersonal relationship with the living Lord Jesus.
At this point we need to admit that even the reference to an interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ might be inadequate. The marriage relationship that Paul employs in Eph. 5:22-33 breaks down in illustrating the relationship of Christ and the Christian because the relationship between the Christian the the living Lord Jesus is also an intrapersonal relationship, involving the indwelling presence of the Spirit of Christ within the spirit of the Christian.
In order for the Christian to have a dynamic interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ it necessitated that Jesus be a living Person. That was facilitated by the historic resurrection of Jesus when He was raised from the dead on the third day to become the every-living Lord Jesus. In order for the Christian to have a spiritual intrapersonalrelationship with Jesus Christ, it necessitated that Jesus be a Spirit-person. That was implemented by the Pentecostal outpouring of Jesus in Spirit-form when the Spirit of Christ became available to indwell the spirits of receptive individuals in every age as the life-giving Spirit (I Cor. 15:45).
This is why evangelical Christians employ the Biblical terminology of being "born again," to explain the living reality of the personal Spirit of Christ coming to dwell in the spirit of a receptive person in an intrapersonal relationship, and that to engage in a growing and developing interpersonal relationship whereby the living Lord Jesus functions in and through the Christian.
It is important to understand that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is not just an objective relationship to the benefits that Christ allegedly made available by His historical actions of death, burial and resurrection. Protestant Christian religion, in particular, has tended to objectify the relationship of the Christian to God and Christ in a forensic, juridical and legal framework that posits the relationship as but the "justification" of a right relationship with God the Judge in the heavenly realm. As a corollary, the relationship of the Christian with God has been viewed as a static "reconciliation" that is no more personal that "reconciling" one's financial books.
The intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship of the Christian with Jesus Christ must be recognized as a subjective, internal, spiritual reality, whereby an individual in any age receives the living Spirit of Christ into his or her spirit (Rom. 8:9), thus becoming a Christian, a Christ-one. That relationship must involve a dynamic sense of ontological interaction and communion, a living and functional communication.
Granted, this explanation of a personal, intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ requires spiritual understanding that can only come by the presence of the Spirit of Christ within the spirit of a receptive person. (I Cor. 2:8-16). That is the difficulty Christians have in attempting to explain what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It cannot be understood until He, the Person of Christ, is received by faith.Then, we have the spiritual and relational understanding of regeneration and new birth (Jn. 3:1-6). Then, we can have the spiritual understanding of the indwelling of the Spirit of Christ within our spirit (Rom. 8:9); that the living Lord Jesus Christ is in us (Col. 1:27; II Cor. 13:5), and lives in us (Gal. 2:20) as our spiritual life (Col. 3:4). Then,we can begin to fathom that we are united in a spiritual oneness of union with Him (I Cor. 6:17). Then, we can begin to understand that we are new creatures (II Cor. 5:17; Eph. 4:24; Col. 3:10), and that our identity is only "in Him" as Christ-ones, Christians ­ that who I am can only be explained on the basis of Who He is. Then, we can begin to understand the dynamic function of the Lordship of the Living Lord Jesus, not just as an assent to His being Lord, God, Deity, but as the acceptance of the fact that my life is no longer mine to determine, but is entirely as His disposal and determination.
(Of course, my life was really never mine to determine, anyway. I was just deceived into thinking that it was, and that I was an independent self-determining self. I am convinced that one of the major reasons why the natural man, as well as most religion, including evangelical Christian religion, does not understand what a personal, intrapersonal or interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ involves, is because they do not understand or accept that the non-Christian, the unregenerate person, has a personal, intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship with Satan, the Evil One - Jn. 8:44; II Tim. 2:26; I Jn. 3:10. cf. The Natural Man.)
So, how do we as Christians attempt to explain that the Christian life is a personal, intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ?
We do not want to "fake people out" and offer them "religion" instead ­ membership, involvement, commitment, dedication. In much of Christian religion today people are told about a relationship to "churchianity" rather than Jesus Christ. They are introduced to the "fellowship of excitement" whereby people can "get all excited about Jesus"; hyped up and "high" on Jesus. They are introduced to "programs", the success of which is evaluated by the numbers of buildings, budgets and baptisms. They are introduced to the "escape hatch" whereby the penalty of sin can be removed, and a "fire insurance policy" of eternal assurance in heaven is offered. The past can be forgiven, the future can be assured ­ such an offer provides an impersonal relationship to sin and an impersonal relationship to a future destiny, but it does not adequately encompass a dynamic and living personal, intrapersonal, and interpersonal relationship with the living Lord Jesus Christ in the present.
It is imperative that we, Christians, explain, as best we can by the empowering of the Spirit of Christ, how a personal, intrapersonal, and interpersonal relationship with Jesus Christ is initiated and functions. Only God can effect that relationship of Christ with another, as an individual chooses in the receptivity of faith to receive the living Spirit of Christ into his or her spirit.


--- This article looks very interesting as well. Leaving a link here for myself to read at a later time. http://www.christinyou.net/pages/natman.html

Friday, May 6, 2011

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

Yeah so it's been a while! You know something, when you're at a pleasant peak in your life and start sailing smoothly, there will always be something to throw a wrench in it! These wrenches are the things that test us, and make us stronger. I've been losing weight a a very nice pace and doing great with the tracking of what I'm eating and controlling my diet and working out 5 times a week! Well for the past 2 weeks I've been dealing with one wrench after another it seems. What's been going on isn't why I'm here writing, I'm here writing to remind myself that eliminating these wrenches from my life is what my actual journey is all about.

I was thinking to myself, I am so exhausted of spending so much of my time on other people, when they seem to think so little of me. I go out of my way to help people and yet they don't even show appreciation or seem like they actually wanted the help. They want the help, but they want someone else to do everything for them. I just have to remind myself that when this life is over I'll be judged for my good deeds. From now on I will start to not expect credit for anything, and I will not wish for anything in return for my good deeds. I never did expect much in return for when I inconvenience myself, but I did expect a thank you, or maybe for the person to at least remember me, some sort of sign that they appreciated me! I didn't think that was asking for much (BUT IT HAS BEEN) but it's something I expected and from now on I won't even expect that. I'll continue doing what I do and only think of my rewards I'll receive in the next life.

No longer will I worry about what or how I do something, I will only be concerned on if I did my best. If I do my best than that's all that mattered. If someone else can do better, get them to do it! I'm not going to feel like my work isn't good enough to at least get reimbursed for the time or money I spent to help you. I'm done thinking that way!

The moral of this blog, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! When people give you nothing but $h!t all the time, continue churning out something beautiful and something you're proud and positive about! In the end it's not about what other's thought, it's about what you did.

P.S. For all the selfish people out there left standing with lemons in their arms, staring like a deer in the headlights, may the acid from my freshly squeezed lemonade splash you in the eyes! :o)) I don't hate, but I also won't tolerate...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

How do you say Goodbye...



How do you say goodbye to the day?

How do you say goodbye to your friend?

How do you say goodbye to your family member?

How do you say goodbye if you knew it would have to last for an eternity?


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Sunday, April 3, 2011

The BIG Continuation Of Gluttony

This isn't an official term for what I'm thinking of writing but it is a term that seems to make sense for what a family's generation after generation experience.

I have never been a history buff, I barely had to study History while I was in Home school. I honestly never cared for History, History is the past and why should we live in the past, right? Well perhaps this is just common sense but I never thought of the importance of knowing our history after I watched Gone With The Wind. Yeah I have been watching some old movies lately... I have to say though, the movies expose you to such a different time era. An era that seems so ancient to us but was only 100 or so years ago.

I talked about in my previous blog on how we all seem so preoccupied with something in our life and end up missing out on whats important. For some it's working all the time, for some it's simply not caring about life. What I never knew though, is just how much my ancestor's wanted to live a good life. They wanted to be free, they wanted to never go hungry, they wanted a big happy family. The only way they could obtain this is through blood and sweat. It's not like that now, now this is just automatically assumed to be one of an American's rights. We no longer have to pour our sweat and blood to have a family, to put food on the table, the two main staples of having a fulfilled like. We can live off the government, become obese, and collect unemployment for our disability! I wonder what our ancestor's from 100-130 years ago would think about this type of life? They would probably have their minds blown!

Our ancestor's wanted their children to have a better life than they did. Therefore they just about killed themselves on trying to obtain a better life. Generation after generation we don't know of this life someone had to live to get us where we are today! It's because of their work that we can now sit in our house (or government assist facility) 24/7 if we please. Their strive to live is what gave them LIFE! We no longer have to strive so what are we living for!?

Most Americans aren't living to make a better life for their children, they're just living to get to the next day. There's no long term thought in our choices, because we're comfortable knowing that whatever we do we'll still see another day. If we had the motivation to work because if not we would literally die, we could obtain just about anything we could dream of because this modern America offer's that possibility. What our ancestor's have set out to achieve has been met, and none of us even care or realize it. We take it for granted, something our ancestor's never would have seen coming.

I'm not saying to start taking on more hours at work or to only live to work, we don't have to do that to be wealthy. If we use our mind and are wise about our investments and are professional and brave to accept new challenges we will be successful and still be able to have a life of our own, not of a corporation's. If we choose to accept a minimum job and just get by paying end's meet then that's what our life will be. A life of continued debt, a job we hate and a family we'll never really get to know. Our lives will be worse than the lives our ancestor's that were a living hell. I think our ancestor's lived full quality lives even if they didn't realize it. The quality our most of our lives now is very questionable if you ask me. We all can "live like kings" if we accept a life long debt.

I think about this and I think of a glutton. A person whom just keeps eating and eating becoming so fat they can't even move. The poor thing doesn't even know what to do because they've never had to work for anything in their life. No one taught them that a fulfilling life isn't going to be one they love all the time.

I am very interested when it comes to technology but technology is another aspect of our lives that's killing us before our very own eyes. Imagine life 140 years ago. No way of instant communication. We had to write letters, send telegraphs or travel a distance to see anyone. Now we can talk to a person on the other side of the world in a matter of seconds. We could send them pictures, videos, letters, in a matter of minutes, using the Internet. We're information gluttons and it's not even something we choose to participate in. I think this makes us more prone to not speaking to people as much because we do not sincerely miss them, how could we when we can see and talk to them at anytime we choose?

I'm thinking about the reason on why I'm writing this and I'm wondering... I am more knowledgeable than the average person on technology. I'm not saying I'm a genius but if anyone has access to data/information or any other benefit of using the Internet, it would be me. I could hack my cell phone to share a hotspot connection with my router. I could then share that connection with all the computers and telephones for world wide calling in my home. I could use that connection to download movies currently at theaters, I could download and watch any TV show or movie ever created. I could download any game for any game console ever made. I can get programs worth thousands of dollars that professionals use in Hollywood movies. All with a 25 dollar a month cell phone that's not intended to do any more than talk to someone locally and maybe browse a webpage or send a text message. There's so many other things I could do but my point is, if anyone has to have a cheap way to communicate with the world, I'd know or could learn how to obtain it.
I'm saying this because technology is corrupting human contact and natural experiences that we're meant to have with other people. All this technology some times gets me excited but at the same time I toss it to the side and am beginning to not be impressed with any thing. Some people wait in lines for a week to get the new Apple device. I don't even know on what these people do with their 800 dollar Ipads. Do they sit in their recliner next to their computer and laptop viewing that same webpages they could view 2 feet from them? Do they go to public hotspots and transfer personal information over an unencrypted network and realize what they're doing? Technology will continue to advance but I don't see a need for the average consumer to keep up with new technology any more. We can't get information any faster than instantaneously.
Here I've said all this while anxiously waiting for Virgin Mobile to activate my new Android cell phone, lol. It's ok to enjoy the benefits of technology but with EVERYTHING in life, you have to do it in moderation. If and when I have kids they will not be spoiled with technology. There will be one computer in the house in the main living area and they'll be allowed a phone when they reach a certain age of when I deem it as necessary out of their own safety.

You know of what I said I know for some people this will not apply, especially with my generation. in two more generations from now though technology will be necessary to live even more than it is now. I wonder if people will even have relationships or real world experiences very often without technology assisting them. I think for the poor this will even be more so true. If people can't work they'll be at home all their lives with no motivation to even go outside. Their food will continue coming from the government, access to the Internet will be completely free by then for any devices. Their life and stimulations will be sustained by the Internet. I find it scary because I predict that in a future generation it will come true. Imagine people only living until they're 40, well we'll probably have technology to replace organs at that time too. We'll literally be living on technology... I'm glad I'm living when I'm living, I hope this blog will remind people of what their life shouldn't be!

Work til Death...

I was thinking... Ever since our ancestors migrated to America, we have had the mentality that working hard will bring us success. America is the land of opportunity and you will become successful with hard work, but I have to wonder, how much work is it worth to try becoming successful?

Is it worth being a selfish person only looking out for yourself?
Is it worth spending no time with your family?
Is it worth waking up day after day and dreading what's to come for the day?
Is it worth working yourself so hard you think that perhaps dying will be you're one and only time of peace?

There needs to be a balance of work and time for life. I know some people from the Philippines and they don't have a lot of worldy possessions but they do have a lot of friends and family. They value the natural things in life, laughing, loving, family, friends, natural no trill foods, they seem to live below their means. Now this isn't only Philippine people that live this way, there's many cultures and ethnicities that value the more "natural", "free" things of life and not so concentrated at being rich with money. I remember reading that the Japanese have a psychology of everyone working together as a team rather than against each other. They help one another, even if their strangers they still respect everyone and willing to help. Their mentality is actually why car makers like Toyota and Honda have such great reputations over there and here. Their employees value their work like it was their own company. I feel that Americans are more likely to stab someone in the back to get a promotion if required. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone but I think anyone who is too obsessed with being successful may become corrupted in it.

What made me think of this is watching the movie, Cool Hand Luke. I normally don't mind a depressing movie if it had a good story, but this movie was only about someone unwilling to conform to the way of working and living to work trying to become successful. Now I commend him for thinking this way, thinking of expecting something more from his life other than working for all of it. What I also got from it was a glimpse into someone else's way of thinking. They said it was one of their favorite movies and this is why I was writing this blog. I was wondering on why someone would consider this their favorite movie. Perhaps they related to this movie which is why they liked it so much. I mean think of your favorite movie, surely there is something you can relate to it about. I think this old "American Dream" is a sickness we've gotten in our minds, it's something that had repercussions we weren't aware of. If we don't learn from our mistakes and get some sort of balance in our life, we're going to live a life we regret. The only part of our life we're going to enjoy is our death. That's a horrible way to spend your time here on earth and not how our time on earth was supposed to be spent.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Close To The Core

So in my recent blog, "A New Angle" I mention about finding the motivation to start working out. What I mention in that blog is what  I believe finally got me to start. What's enabling me to continue is my long time obsession with wanting to look in shape. It's never good to be obsessed with anything but in my case the obsession is helping me to continue working harder toward my goals. There's actually a term for an obsession with the male physique and it's named, "The Adonis Complex". I believe people become obsessed for different reasons and in my situation I think it's because I've never known what it's like to be in shape and have missed a lot from being overweight. Maybe not really missed out, but lacked the confidence to live a typical/average life.

I write this blog (and all of my blogs) for other people that may be going through the same thing as I. For the person whom may have no one else to talk to about it and wonders if they're "normal". I know a guy that has been through this very same situation and it's messed with his mind. I'm not going into specifics here but if you're not careful obsession can lead to corruption. If you wanna talk about being obsessed with anything feel free to get in contact with me! Knowing you're "normal" and others might think the same way as you can be the first step into handling your problems. Anywho...

This might seem strange but I'll sometimes project my thoughts and self into a different person I'll see who might be in the shape I'd like to be in. I'll try to imagine living their life and think of the things I'd have the confidence to do. When I "remove" myself from them, I notice on how they don't realize their own capability. Perhaps they have created insecurities that prevents them living a fulfilled life, just like myself! I was looking at old pictures of myself from about 6 years ago and realize on how much better and actually attractive I looked. Yet at the time, all I was thinking was how fat, ugly, stupid and how much better everyone else was around me. I wouldn't let myself live. To be honest, I'm probably doing the same thing right now. I may be attractive to some people but I cannot let myself become close to anyone because I still feel insecure about my body. When I reach my goal weight though, and reread this blog, I'm going to remember... No matter what I think of myself, I LOOK GREAT! Stop obsessing and accept the fact that the goal has been met and I am no long morbidly obese!

I think if everyone thought this way about themselves we would all have so much more confidence and accomplish so much more in our lives! I already think you're perfect so why should you be worried on how other people may perceive you? In my most recent blog I mention on how I feel like I had an "epiphany" over the weekend. I think this feeling comes from finally realizing that we are all truly human. We all have most of the same thoughts, we all want the same things in life and some of us cannot always control or stop the extreme obsessive ways our mind may think. Realizing that your MTP (Mental Thought Process) is slightly out of whack, is the first step in defeating it. I'm almost 26 and it took me this long to figure it out. You might wonder if something happened to finally make me realize and yeah something did happen. I met someone I'd normally feel super insecure around and by realizing and applying what I just wrote about, made me feel at ease. Might sound easy to those who know nothing about being morbidly over weight or socially anxious but to those who do, you know the excruciating feeling and can imagine having it disappear.

Quick check in...

Howdy! The weight loss progress is going great! I'm down to 310, lost 18 pounds in a month! I'm excited! I really want to write a long post but this is going to stay short since it's already late and i need to make some lunches for tomorrow and other things...

The past posts about mentality and there only being NOW is so true! I've been really motivated to lose weight but it feels like within the past week I've had some sort of epiphany.. I just feel like I'm on top and anything is within my reach if I only control the NOW. Stop worrying about the future or the past, stop listening to negative people around you, stop telling your self you're no good! Just do these things and you too will notice a difference!

I am excited to get to my goal weight of 200 pounds, if I can lose 3-4 pounds a week I should be there by the end of this year! I am always working on getting out of some of this lousy debt and it too feels great! Being a slave to debt is almost worse than being over weight, almost.

Excited and looking forward to traveling after losing this weight! It's been a long time desire of mine to just leave everything behind and travel around America, working job to job just to get by and see the next place! Might sound crazy yes, but it's something I need to do for myself!

5 Reasons to Work Out!


Healthy heart. Stronger bones. Leaner muscle mass. Faster metabolism. The benefits of exercise are far-reaching, and most of us are familiar with the advantages of working up a sweat. We know that exercise helps trim the waistline, tone the biceps and build cardiovascular fitness.
There are other benefits to exercise that may surprise you. According to recent research studies, exercise has been linked to increased mental capacity, better moods and even decreased likelihood for developing cancer. Jazzercise Founder and CEO Judi Sheppard Missett shares these five benefits of regular exercise.

Exercise Boosts Brainpower

Climb stairs to increase your IQ? Believe it or not, exercise can actually make you smarter. At the University of Washington School of Medicine, research study participants, who engaged in aerobic exercise for 45 to 60 minutes, four days per week, showed greater gains in mental skills than the non-exercisers. Meanwhile, researchers at the UCLA School of Medicine report that obese adults have about eight percent less brain volume than adults at normal weights.

Exercise Improves Your Mood

The next time you’re feeling down in the dumps, go for a walk or hop on your beach cruiser. The American Journal of Preventative Medicine reports that women who walk at least 7,500 steps per day are 50 percent less likely to suffer from depression than women who remain sedentary.
It doesn’t matter how you get the 7,500 steps. Participating in an aerobics-style exercise class will add-up to 7,500 steps in a jiffy. But, don’t be dismayed if you can’t make it to class every day. Walk the stairs at lunchtime for 10 minutes, take a couple laps around your office building for an afternoon break, then take a stroll around the neighborhood later in the evening.

Exercise Battles Cancer

Over the past decade, dozens of scientists have recommended exercise as a means to ward-off cancer. More recently, researchers are also suggesting that cancer survivors should engage in regular exercise to ease fatigue, minimize the risk of recurrence, and improve quality of life. Just last month, the American College of Sports Medicine published guidelines that advise cancer survivors to shoot for two and a half hours of exercise per week.

Exercise Banishes Cravings

If you’ve ever logged an extra two hours on the stair-stepper to compensate for that giant slice of banana cream pie, you’re not alone. And while exercise certainly burns calories from gluttonous eating sprees, new research delivers even better news. It looks like regular workouts can actually help us ward-off cravings before we dive into the cookie jar.
According to research published in the American Journal of Physiology, individuals who participated in cardiovascular or strength-training exercises reported significantly fewer hunger pangs and cravings than their sedentary counterparts. That’s because exercise causes blood flow to divert from the stomach to your muscles that are hard at work, thus lessening hunger.

Exercise Helps You Make a Good Impression

Headed to a job interview? Meeting your future mother-in-law? Use exercise to help you make a good first impression. In a study at the University of Alberta in Canada, 450 participants responded more positively towards individuals who exercise versus folks who avoid fitness. The study participants described the exercisers as happier, healthier, and more energetic than non-exercisers