Saturday, May 11, 2013

Nothing to Compare

About a week ago I was talking to a personal trainer I've been working out with, discussing how someone can weigh a significant amount, lose the weight and still consider themselves overweight? I was curious because back in 2003 my highest weight was 283 and eventually I got down to 202, yet when I weighed 202 I didn't consider myself skinny. I still had the mentality that people thought I was fat, I knew I was skinny because my waist was a size 34 and I literally felt smaller. My body changed but my mind was still 283 pounds.
Today I saw this meme posted to Facebook from the show, Bates Motel. It's referencing how Norman Bates is "different" (insane) and he doesn't realize it because he's never been normal to know what it feels like. This got me thinking... I have always wondered about people like myself whom couldn't grasp the fact that they were skinny and also someone like a body builder that continually strives to get big. When do we tell ourselves, We reached our goals!!! When I lost weight it was never enough, if I wasn't trying to diet and lose weight than it meant I was getting fat. When do we create a balance and say, we can maintain this, we no longer have to work on becoming something, we are already something!
There are different realms to this feeling. Perhaps a person is depressed because no matter what he does he just feels less than everyone else, he thinks he's stupid! Thing is, he's actually very intelligent and doesn't know he's intelligent because he's never truly been dumb in order to know what intelligence feels like. He's always been smart but fears being dumb because he doesn't know how to identify the state of being dumb. In this regard, referring to the mind, there would be no way for this person to erase his intelligence, once you're educated there's no way you can "unlearn" something. You might forget something over time but the state of once being educated is still there and a quick review usually brings this information back to light.
Yet with weight loss, our mind has been programmed to be "fat", is it possible to "unlearn" what the feeling of fat is? We want to be skinny but we can't identify the state of "being skinny" so in our minds we will never be skinny. What makes things complicated is, an intelligent person reads and studies to make his mind intelligent. As I said before, you can't "unread" or "unstudy" something to make yourself dumb. When it comes to body weight, usually a person with a sedentary lifestyle and bad diet become fat BUT this can be undone! We can become active and change our diet which will result in us becoming skinny! Thing is, our mind isn't matching the same weight loss as our bodies! We've ingrained FAT into out minds and can't unlearn it!

That is why I eventually told my trainer, I believe my first step to a lifetime of weight loss is first accepting that I'm fat. Learn to first love who and what you are and don't be so critical of your weight! My mind will always be fat but if I love and accept being fat, perhaps this won't cause so much stress and depression? Perhaps I'll be able to meet someone and have a life? Perhaps I'll get happy and not turn to food any more for comfort or enjoyment, perhaps I can stop letting my consciousness rule my life.