Don't Predict the Future, Realize the Future...

I'm really tired and should be asleep but I have to mention this... Imagine if there was no such thing as time. If there wasn't time, would there be a future? What if our subconscience made maps of possible paths our choices will lead to. What if we have an ability that no one could prove scientifically to visualize all of these maps and determine how our future will be, what if we could predict our future?

I assume I'll wake up tomorrow and be in a rush since I stayed up and typed this crazy blog. I'll try to throw a lunch together and hope to leave exactly 15 minutes before i need to be to work. I'll walk in the front office and do the usual stuff day after day. This is what my life has primarily been for the past 6 years, predictable. Do you think I'm foreseeing my future? Think of where you were yesterday, at whatever the current time may be. Concentrate on yourself and imagine you transferring everything that happened today to yourself from yesterday. When i do this I see multiple reflections of myself from other days. The same reflection as I see today. If we put ourselves back in our shoes from yesterday we're in our future right now, we can recall everything that's going to happen today because it already has happened. Imagine yourself again 1 year from now, and all the mirrors you see of yourself, what has changed? I think we can grab a mirror of ourselves and place it in tomorrow's slot. We don't have to wait years for an eventual change, change can happen tomorrow. We can control of future and we can tell our future self on how to act and react to issues.

Our future isn't based on time, it's based on our past and what we've experienced. Where has our past lead our route for the future.

A 6th sense

Happy Belated Thanksgiving! Hope your dinner was amazing! Mine was! :o))   <-hence the double chin smile!

For some reason the following has been on my mind lately... I'm not sure if I think it's a 6th sense or just a human innate ability within all of us. When our body is telling us how we feel, our mind can override that signal we're receiving. Whether we feel tired, anxious, depressed, happy, I think we are able to snap ourselves out of all of these feelings by ignoring our body and letting the power of our mind take over. Don't think so?
Well it's hard for me to prove but I can remember an old news story about a mother whose child got ran over by someone pulling out of a parking spot, and was then stuck under the car. The mother was so petrified (as one would expect) she gained the strength to pull the car up while someone else pulled away her child from underneath.
I believe when the opportunity calls for action we realize we can do more than what we originally thought we could... I believe this ability is innate and we can utilize it enough in our everyday lives to help change how we currently live. Super strength will only occur from a huge adrenaline boost (which requires a major event, such as the mother's child getting ran over); but I think we can utilize this ability of sudden change in our body's chemistry, with practice. So if you're tired and need to get something done try it. Simply jump out of your seat and do what you need to do as quickly as you possibly can. Have no thought of your tiredness from before and keep forcing yourself to move! Apply this to any feeling you may have!

Perhaps this just sounds strange but all I know is that I can do this, not sure if everyone can?

So much to say...

Lately I've been having thoughts of so many things, I'm not sure whats up but I kinda like it. I only have 1 follower as of right now so I'm wondering how many different people actually read this blog, that's besides the point though...

I thought I mentioned somewhere in this blog that I'd also use it as a dream diary. If I didn't mentioned it though, let me mention it now, I'm going to utilize this blog as a dream diary for myself. I'm not sure if anyone will or can benefit from my dreams but I guess I wonder the same about my regular posts. I hope people can benefit from something but honestly this blog is only as a means to let you get to know me better, so reading my dreams will definitely help accomplish that... anywayz... I actually want to talk about my dream and another topic, first the other topic...


I don't know why I let other people's life annoy me, but it does sometimes. I guess it annoys me because you think you know someone better and then come to find out you didn't. I think it's also because I have so much love for those close to me, that it's constantly is eating away at me. I guess with what I've been though with friends I should have come to know this by now... I just don't understand why people near my age (25) want to date others with such already "involved" lives. A single person dates another with multiple kids and their age significantly different, why!? Don't they realize they still got most of their lives ahead of them? Yeah, sometimes love is unconditional but can't you make your love have some conditions for the sake of living your own life and not someone else's? I think sometimes, people let their emotions override their best rationale. Emotions, (especially lust) can take control of our lives, especially when we also think we're not supposed to be single or we don't fit in with others if we're single, now I know this is not always the case but I think it applies with some. It seems to me that some people just cannot live being without a significant other, which I also don't understand. God forbid you get your life on track and learn to support yourself and become an individual. If you did this think of how much more stable your household would be... It aggravates me because I don't want to see myself or friends at the age of 40-50, single, no kids and wondering where life is going to take them next.
-----
Now for the dream log (Dlog) :oP

This is going to be mostly around religion and greater power than us, so if you're turned off by this might as well stop now but I believe you owe it to yourself to read on...

I claim myself as being a Christian, but am I a strong at understanding my own religion? No. Like so many of us I claim to be part of a religion and yet don't know a whole lot about it. To be honest with you, a lot of Christians around me can't answer the questions I ask out of curiosity, and don't understand or could tell me why they choose to be a Christian. Other than the fact that Jesus died and gave His Life so we could live eternally, they don't understand why their Christians and not, Jews, Baptist or Catholic. I've realized within this past year that if I'm going to claim to be something, than I better be something. Which is why I think I had this dream:

I dreamt that I was at my Grandmother's funeral. I was up at the pulpit in front of the crowded church of my family and friends. I can remember hearing so many people say, she was a good woman, she's in a much better place, she's with the angels looking down at us, and I got fed up with hearing this. Fed up because I knew no one believed what they were saying and that a lot of them didn't even know what to expect of Heaven and what God really had in store for us. Here are a couple of questions I can remember and the answers I gave. I'm writing this now to refer back to in the future as this was a dream and can easily be forgotten... On to what I was telling the crowd of people sitting in the church...

We question: Where is Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Heaven is a physical place outside this universe. Heaven does not exist in the clouds or anywhere in this universe. People that pass on, cannot look down and see us whenever they want to. Heaven cannot be accessed by human beings. I believe there is an atmosphere like wall that separates our Universe and Heaven, only The Lord can permit access through.


We question: What part of us goes to Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Our spirit is the only part of us that will go to Heaven. Our spirit was created by God, it's an energy that contains our personality, thoughts, ideas, memory, who we are. The brain is used to translate to and from our spirit to our body. Our spirit cannot be removed or seen in us with only human means. Our spirit is not affected when we are brain dead or have memory loss or dementia, these things are caused by the brain's inability to translate with our spirit correctly.


We question: Will we look like we do on Earth in Heaven?


The answer within my dream: We will be a healthy version of our human body that looks like its in it's 30th year of life. We will not have bodies of flesh, once our souls reach Heaven they will take on a solid form but indestructible as our body of flesh.


We question: Will we know each other in Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Yes, we will know each other in Heaven. We will be able to see a resemblance of the person we remembered on Earth but the people will not be as they were to us here on Earth. Our Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents will be equal to us in Heaven. We will have that same love we felt for them on Earth but that same feeling of love will be for everyone in Heaven.


We question: I assume everyone just goes to Heaven, Right? No, everyone will not enter the gates of Heaven. God gave us the ability to choose to accept His salvation. If we did not accept it on Earth then we will not make it into Heaven. (In the dream I knew there was a hell but did not describe it) In the dream I knew hell was located in the center of a rock and souls would end up there if they never decided to accept The Lord.




We question: If one of our loved ones don't make it to Heaven won't this cause us unbearable sorrow?

The answer within my dream: We will not remember those on Earth that did not make it to Heaven. (This is hard for me to accept) As stated, we will all be equal in Heaven and have an overflowing love for everyone just as we do for our close loved ones here on Earth. Because of this, we need to make sure we do everything within our power to spread His Word on Earth to satisfy our desire to see our close loved ones with us on Heaven.
-------------
In the dream, these questions are ones I brought up myself to see if anyone could answer them, no one had any answers, so I answered them to my best ability using a sense the Lord had given me.

After giving these explanations I told the crowd that I saw my Grandmother in Heaven praising The Lord weeping and holding her eyes, singing "Look What The Lord Has Done"! She was thanking Him for fully restoring her vision.

At the end of my speaking in the dream I stated that I did not know much of His exact words of Heaven, but was given the explanations in a dream. (Which applies to me now) Which is also why this dream is a sign for me that I better start knowing Him better.

As I was leaving our church, multiple family members came to me crying saying they never knew of what to really expect in Heaven but now had a better grasp and wanted to make sure they were able to go. I'm not going to mention who came to me in the dream but they told me there's been so much sin in their lives and they feel so ashamed and I told them, I too have been in your situation. I told them The Lord loved them and He would always accept them as long as they lived their life for Him.

Perfection

I believe that God made us perfect. No matter how we look on the outside or how we may feel on the inside, God is perfection and what he created is perfection. We should strive to be like him. I also believe that although he created us perfectly it does not mean we are perfect. We create many imperfections for ourselves and one way we learn true strength is overcoming them. If you ever look at someone and think, geez why couldn't I just look as perfectly as they do or act perfectly as them. No one in this world is perfect and if you were to speak to the person in mind they'd tell you their insecurities and what they don't like about themselves. No matter where we are in our lives if you don't first accept yourself for who you are, what you look like, then you'll live your life hating yourself.

This is advice I'm giving myself, as they say the best to take is your own. I want to forget these imperfections and live without worrying about them. I don't know why I felt like i had to blog this but it's just on my mind right now. We can try to correct ourselves but it doesn't change who we are or make us any better. Learning to accept our self is the first step to becoming a better, happier, successful, person.

Allowing negative thoughts come in to our mind will undoubtedly take it's toll. I feel like there's just part of the mind that constantly interjects these negative thoughts, completely ignore this part and don't pay any attention when it starts acting up. Some people get medicated for it but I believe we can control it. My good friend once told me if God made this world and everything in it within 7 days we should be able to change these bad habits or ideas in a matter of minutes, we do have the ability and maintaining it is how we'll eventually do completely away with it.

I said I wouldn't forget, yet whats happening...

I was browsing through some old e-mail tonight and I saw some e-mails I saved about my friends from only 3-4 years ago. As I read them I felt like it was AGES ago yet it was only 3 years ago... So much has changed in my life, a lot of stuff I said wouldn't happen, has. I guess over time everyone fades away. So many of my friends have made major decisions in their life, some good, some bad. I've pretty much stayed in the same spot, went to school and now I'm done and still working in the same dead end, feel like a slave, job.

I feel some what guilty of saying how much I loved my friends but now I rarely talk to them. I tell myself that we're still good friends, we're just busy. IDK, I think in order to be good friends you should see each other at least once a week... I guess something else I realized is that now I am very independent. I mean in regards to living on my own, no; but in regards of needing someone to spend most of time with, yes. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I guess I'll never feel hurt when they occasionally tend to hurt you. In a way I think being independent (I guess I mean by having no true friends) you come to find yourself. I see other people my age (and a lot older) that think they need to always go out with a group of people, get trashed, go to work hung over and repeat. Maybe if they could just take a step back from their "hectic" lives they would realize they'd want to be doing something different. IDK, that's what I think I've learnt.

I've been working on myself, who I am and about. For instance, when you get to know me I typically tend to be sarcastic to you in order to keep you at a safe distance. I think I've changed and letting people get closer. I mean there's still a wall but I give you the opportunity of at least of accessing the strong inner barrier. I also have not been taking any BS from people as well. If someone used to ever make a rude or demeaning comment to me I would normally shrug it off. Well I've been giving it back a lot lately and it feels good to use all of these years of practicing sarcasm to utilize as an actual offensive method. lol... idk maybe I'm becoming cold but I'm not letting anyone look down on me anymore.

As a side note, this has nothing to do with what I was talking about but... I am so tired of seeing people on Facebook supporting "Stop the bullying of gays" I mean it's terrible to "bully" anyone. Being gay is and always will be a controversial situation, it will never be like the unity of blacks and whites are now. If you're gay and being bullied, get away from that person. I'm reading an article about gay bullying and they say this:

' “It’s not even necessarily bullying, but some of the words that get thrown around at the school,” she said — words like the expression, “that’s so gay.” '

This was an article talking about 9 kids that committed suicide recently over being bullied. Anyone that commits suicide is a terrible loss because they obviously did need someone's help, and no one was there to offer it. In the Tyler Clementi situation he tried to remain private but someone outted him. The person that posted his sex video should definitely be charged with invasion of privacy, but for Tyler Clementi's death? No. People that commit suicide are not victims, they chose to take their lives. Tyler Clementi probably hated the idea of his family knowing he was gay, now the whole world knows it and is using his life to support more people of telling the world they're gay and trying to get everyone one else to accept it. It's just not going to happen... Unfortunately, if Tyler Clementi would have known committing suicide would just make him more known, he probably wouldn't have killed himself. In essence gays are doing him a disservice by spreading the word of his life.

I believe when a person thinks they're gay there are always underlying issues that need resolved. In this day and age though, they are being told they're A-OK and to accept who they are as everyone else is trying to accept you for who/how you are, as well. Why not deal with the issues in your life? When you're old, wrinkly and gray will you still love the person the same as you did when you were young? If so, your love must be unconditional. If your love is unconditional why could your love only be for someone of the same sex? Why not choose to have a full life with the opposite sex? For those that think you can have a full equal life being straight or gay, no you can't... in the long run you'll question yourself if you choose to stay with the same sex, and at that time your potential at living a fulfilled life will be over.

We Judge Ourselves By Intention & Others By Actions

The same applies to others, they judge us by our actions. Funny because I got this little phrase from a fortune cookie and it really got me thinking...

First I want to decide on if we truly judge ourselves on intention, here's how and what I judge myself on...

• Ability to hold a conversation: I feel flat out stupid if I don't know what someone is speaking about. I guess this is an insecurity created by myself believing I never had a proper education from being home schooled.
• Ignorance: I feel like no matter how much a study I will always be ignorant to everything around me. I realize though that this is also something that helps motivate me.
• My body image: I simply hate it.

15 minutes later... I can't think of any other ways I judge myself, except for the positive ways I judge myself which happen to be the opposite of the same items listed. It seems like my self judgment sits on a teeter-totter to create an even balance just enough to function. I have my days when the negative side is the heaviest and VERY rarely the positive side ever is. I feel like the way I judge myself seems to be on the thoughts and opinions of others might have on me. Which is pretty ironic because obviously I can't read any one's mind and therefore make everything up in my own mind of what their thinking of me. I wouldn't call this judging myself by my intentions, I judge myself like... an angry stranger, they don't know you but they know they hate you... I'm not a hateful person but if I did hate anyone I guess it would be myself.

It's getting late and I got work tomorrow... I'm glad I wrote this because I think I discovered something interesting about myself. I need to meet the real me, I need to really get to know who I really am....

Change Of Title...

As you can see, I've changed my title of the blog to Mark's Reflection. I guess I wanted to sound a little more interesting than just, Mark's Thoughts. I reviewed my blogs and thought more of what really means the most to me and it's my mind and the way I (and other people) think about life and what we think of ourselves and others.

I write this blog specifically for myself (as like a personal journal) and think of it as a plus if it helps other people realize that we're all humans and we should be heard for who we truly are. For myself sometimes I don't get that across in person too well and therefore writing in a weB LOG is my canvas of releasing all of who I am to you.

Temple Grandin

I just viewed the T.V. movie Temple Grandin based on the autistic genius, Temple Grandin. It was an amazing movie because it shows us that we may be different from what we consider to be the norm, and it's not always a bad thing. Temple was herself and for many people this is just not something we come to terms with. For myself it would be my weight and the way I think I look. I will always judge myself and think I'm lower than everyone else because of it. For Temple she was autistic and did not have the capability to think of herself as below anyone else. She simply came to terms that she was autistic and grasped this condition and made the best of it. Sure she may not have acted what we consider normal but it was her. It didn't matter what other people thought, she was the only person that mattered to herself, that's exactly how we must think. We have to put ourselves first in everything we do, even if someone thinks we're strange or not "normal" because of it.

God created everyone on this Earth perfectly, all of God's creations are perfect. Only God is perfect and everything he does. Now we may not live perfectly and think of ourselves perfectly, and we never will be perfect because we are not God. As a person that wishes to have eternal salvation I believe it's our duty to strive to be perfect. We will never be perfect and I'm not saying perfectionism is the way into Heaven but trying to live a perfect life as Christ is all we can do, and is all He expects us to do.

People may laugh at us, call us names, think we're something they walk over and wipe their feet on but you know what? They're wrong. They're the ones who will realize too late of what they've missed throughout their life, they've lied to themselves of who they were. They could never embrace their selves therefore will never embrace others. If you're different, it's ok. In fact I commend you for being different because in essence you're yourself, which is already one step ahead of a lot of others in this world. Never change who you are to try and fit into other people's fake reality. Temple Grandin refused to accept failure and only did what she believed was right, even if it was to redesign a cattle slaughter house (I know random but that's why it's great). If I can accomplish what an autistic person (which we deem as someone with a disability) has done, I'll feel satisfied with my life.

Temple questioned about death in the movie, where do they go, where do their memories go? Besides any religious aspect of this question I think Temple was referring to a more physical approach on, what's left on Earth of them? Whats left on Earth of someone after they pass, there's only the memories we posses of them and anything else that they have accomplished which would make them known. I think having lived a successful life not only leaves memories in our family's hearts but in the hearts of people all around this world. Money doesn't require us reaching this goal, what requires us reaching it is ourselves. Will we do what we believe is right, will we go against the current and do something out of the ordinary?

A Material Obsession

I feel horrible to say this but, I went and visited with my Grandmother. Whats horrible about that you ask? The fact that I use the word visited. Visited in the sense of not having seen her within 2 months. I can remember being younger and never missing a day without seeing her or my Grandfather. I feel horrible that I go for visits now. I don't visit her because it's something right to do though, I go there because I love my Grandparents. I question myself though, why don't I go and spend more time just being there, around them? My only answer is I'm too busy doing other things here, at home, in front of the computer... usually just ending up wasting the whole night. It's like sometimes I'll just be on Youtube and watch video after video, or on Facebook and end up looking at profiles of people I don't even know. It's really just me being lazy and wasting time, like someone sitting in front of the T.V.

So anyway I believe that this problem I have of wasting my time when I could be doing more valuable things with my time, is a case of being obsessed with material things of this world. My Grandmother has bad macular degeneration and it makes me feel horrible knowing on how badly she wants to see. She wants to see her new Great Grandchildren that are right in front of her, but can't. She wants to see who is knocking on her door, she wants to see her grandson when he enters and is standing 3 feet away from her. It makes me sad that someone so kind and willing to give you anything she has, possessions or her time, must suffer with basically being blind.

She makes me realize on how precious life is and how it can't be taken for granted. She makes me realize that I shouldn't be wasting my time doing foolish things when I could be with someone I love enjoying their company and making new memories. Life won't last forever and you only get one chance at it. Is being obsessed with material things of this world and working all your life how you really want to spend your life? A gift every human is instilled with at birth is the power of being able to change someone's life. It kills me to think I could miss any opportunities. When we're not on this Earth nothing we worked for of have stored away will come with us, NOTHING. I'm not even 100% sure if we'll take our memories with us when we die (Which I pray to God we do) One thing we do leave behind though is the memories others have of us. I think we should realize this and start to make the best of these times we have. I guess because of this is also why I have been so busy capturing old family videos and photos. Once we (here on Earth) lose the memories we don't have anything.

Potential Cordoba Mosque Near WTC

I believe allowing this Mosque to be built so close to the WTC site is a slap in American's face. I don't know anything about Muslims or Islam but if they're so considerate and wanting this mosque to be a building bridge of their religion to Americans why don't they start by being sensitive to this American site? Perhaps Islam is a good religion, perhaps they just have many extremists in their religion. If Muslims had any sense of compassion they would realize that Americans relate the WTC site to Muslim extremists. Why can't the "sensible" and "compassionate" people of Islam recognize that this is very controversial to Americans and respect that?

A map of how close this mosque is to the WTC site...

If I could rewind time...

Like so many of us, I would have done many things differently. I was so insecure of myself years ago (and even more so now) I couldn't allow myself to get close to anyone. I was looking through old photos today and was thinking that I wasn't really as horrible looking as I thought I was... The same concept most likely applies now as well. Too bad I missed great opportunities at forming some relationships in the past.

I've caught myself thinking, how did I ever let myself gain so much weight? Then as I continue through the day I answer my own question... Because I haven't taken control over my diet. Every day flies by SOO quickly but what I don't realize sometimes is that EVERY day is the next step in the future. Everything we do today will effect us for the rest of our lives. Every choice we made or opportunity we grasped or missed out on, will effect the rest of my life. It's like building a skyscraper, every brick makes the building. Every day creates our life...

This is sort of a side note but something I've realized is how important proper sleep is. My analysis isn't based on scientific data or surveys, just common sense and what I've seen in my own body. If we're always tired I don't believe we can ever be motivated to do anything with our lives. With severe sleep deprivation I believe it begins to decrease our rational thinking. So many of my insecurities and root of other problems I believe are due to a lack of sleep. I know this may sound out there but I really think it's true. I can remember visiting North Carolina for vacation last year and since there was no cable TV or Internet I went to sleep around 9:30-10. One week on that routine made me feel more alert and energized, I saw improvements in just the way I felt. There's so many interruptions in this life now-a-days that we stay up later and later without getting the proper sleep. Sometimes I feel like I just don't have time to do anything, I gotta stay up to finish this or that. Most of the time, this or that wasn't important and my sleep would have been much more beneficial to me. Anywayz... I guess I said all that because I believe a lack of sleep is related to depression and anxiety. I think the more we slept the less we'd have to deal with those issues.

Starting tonight until August 31st I will set an alarm to make sure I'm in bed by 10:30 with the T.V. off. I'll report back here 10/1 to see if there's any improvement...

This is Reality...

Making ends meet, working to pay the bills, paying the bills to keep on working... what's the point!? Home schooled through Middle and High school, missing the chance of meeting friend's I'd have for a lifetime, the chance at practicing my social skills. Do I blame my parents, they did what they thought was best. Was it best? I can't say that it was. I have very little self confidence and have been diagnosed with severe social anxiety. I've told only a few people close to me and they were flabbergasted, I guess I hide it well, sometimes... Obviously I have many more issues and problems going on in my life but for this post that's as personal as I'll get, onto my thoughts of others in the world (a.k.a Advice I should accept for myself):

Someone once told me, or perhaps I read it somewhere... That every issue you're dealing and struggling with, has been encountered by someone else in this world that has overcome the obstacle. That piece of information alone should give you hope, it does for me at least. To know that no matter how hard something seems, you can get through it! Life can become really depressing for people and especially for those whom don't have many positive influences around them. Their negative thoughts just keep stacking on top of one another! Although this may be controversial to some, I was reading a news group where people talked about suicide and how they plan on attempting it. Before anyone gets worried I was only reading it out of curiosity, I am not suicidal! To read how people just attempted suicide (and failed) hours ago and then people responding on what they thought went wrong and how they should go about the process next time, really saddens me... I know how life can get. I know how lonely life can be, not because you're just bad at making friends but because you're literally afraid to speak to new people. So many of us have different problems and I think many people would be shocked if they found out how many others around them actually experience the same demons!

I just want to tell those out there, never give up! I know life may look empty up ahead but one thing I believe every one of us must live by, is that we haven't a slightest clue of what tomorrow could bring! Tomorrow might bring that perfect job we've been waiting for or that perfect soul mate we've been fishing for. To give up caring is a sure destined way to get absolutely nothing out of life. If you're still living, you have the ability to create the world ahead of you!

"We judge ourselves by our thoughts, we judge others by their actions"

Hello World!

So welcome (myself) and you to my new blog on Blogspot, my name's Captain Obvious! Just kidding... My names' Mark and that's all you really need to know. Well that and how my username came to be I guess... My Uncle and Grandfather came up with the nickname Markel and I added the Mp3 for a technological touch... I, just like everyone else in this world, have my own ideas and opinions and I would like to share them with complete strangers (and maybe friends and family?)!!! I may also use this blog as a dream diary for my own benefit and also to let you into my sub-conscience! Prepare for a roller coaster of a ride into the deep abyss of Mp3Markel!

No longer will I write blogs on MySpace to only delete them after typing, this is a collection of my thoughts for anyone who pleases to read them! I plan to be truthful in this blog so I prefer if you'd like to talk about things, to speak only within this blog. Also keep what you read in this blog, in this blog! HAHA like that will happen... Now on to my first official post of the stuff that's been on my mind...