Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A New Angle - Reflection of Emotion

I've been meaning to post a blog for quite a while now! I have been busy with work and also hitting the gym pretty hard! I don't really know where this motivated came from, but it's here, and here to stay! Actually I kinda have a clue and yeah I'll tell it to you...

I had a dream (what's new right, I'm sure I sound like MLK by now!) that my grandmother (Rita) came over my place to visit. Well when she came walking in she says, Mark every time I see you you're gaining more weight! Why don't you start eating healthier and get serious about exercising!? I said, well Nanny it's so expensive to eat healthy and buy organically! She exclaimed, "Mark, this is your health we're talking about, the expense should not be a hindrance!"

So ever since that dream I've been hitting the gym and decided to get serious about losing weight. I truly believe our dreams should not be taken lightly, there's always a purpose behind them it seems. Anywho... I've got a personal trainer as someone to be accountable to, and of course to show me how to properly workout and what I should be doing. For me the psycho-logic factor of knowing he's going to see what I eat and my true progress motivates me to strive for doing better.

Ok, now for the juicy deep thought stuff that I've been anxiously wanting to write about! lol, I'm crazy, I know!

Over just the past two weeks I have come to realize the real value of eating right. I've been putting good healthy natural food into my body and it's already making a huge difference! I sleep better for starters. I've only lost 12 pounds within the past 2 weeks but yes, I already notice a huge difference. I would normally jump up during sleep because I had the sensation of feeling my heart beat, and sometimes thinking it stopped. I thought about this more but I think what I had going on was sleep apnea. I stopped breathing during my sleep which would make me jump up once I realized I wasn't getting air. I am usually very private about my health but I am writing this for my future self so I remember what it was like being 328 pounds. I would dread going to sleep because I always thought of the horrible feeling of jumping up. It's so terrible but this the real life stuff that comes with being overweight. I realize I should have had a doctor look into this but heart issues completely fear me. Perhaps my Dad telling me of the clogged arteries my Grandfather had and the open heart surgery procedure to install stints and how I would follow in those footsteps if I'm heavy, has something to do with it? Yet did they teach me how to eat healthy, (besides buying a fresh can of green beans) to go with the red meat, potatoes and bread for dinner. I'm not blaming my parents for my weight gain but if you never give a child crap for food they will never crave it. That's just common sense, anywayz where was I...

Ah yes, there are two areas to be worked on when losing weight! I know this because I've been through it (knowledge+ experience = wisdom, remember that) Those two areas are, (obviously) your physical body and your mentality. My trainer said 70% of losing weight depends on what you eat. This may be true but I say 100% of being successful is your mentality! If it wasn't for me deciding ok, let's get serious about losing this weight how would I ever be successful? If I tell myself I can't do it, guess what, I won't do it! You are what you tell yourself. One of my blogs comes to mind about Humans having the ability to summon an emotion or a shot of adrenaline whenever you choose. During my first week of working about I thought to myself, ah I worked really hard last night, I am so tired I just wanna go home to rest and I'll work out really good tomorrow. Well I got no rest and tomorrow comes and guess what, I'm way to tired to work out! My thoughts held me back all the time. So what do I do? I don't think about it! I tell myself I'm going to the gym and that's all there is to it now. Working out a eating healthy is going to be a part of my life. Some nights I feel like I just wanna go home and veg on my sofa. Physically I'm tired, but I push those thoughts to the side and my mind empowers my body to keep moving on. I believe all of us have this ability, it's just a matter of utilizing it. Perhaps this sounds like "will power" but for me it's something more. When I see a warm cinnabon coming from the oven with a thick sweet glaze covering it, holding myself back from eating it is "will power". Not allowing my mind to give into my human way of thinking is more than just will power. I'm honestly not sure what you would call it but it's something we all can do if we want to.

I've been dealing with depression and partially because of my weight but the other part because I just think all wrongly about myself. I look at other people and see how much more in shape they are than me and along with that feeling comes, they're smarter than me, which intimidates me. Imagine living a life where you feel everyone is better than you. You don't even know the person but because they might be skinner you feel completely worthless to them. I feel like I can't even speak to them because they might catch on to how stupid I feel or maybe they'll be looking at the fat on my body in disgust. I have lived so many of my years feeling this insecurity and I just want it to go away. Problem is, losing weight doesn't mean you change you're way of thinking... (remember I've been there from losing weight once). Your mental health plays such a huge role into losing weight and keeping it off! How does one "exercise" or "eat right" for our mentality?

Have you ever heard the expression, 'Garbage in equal garbage out"? That's how our minds work. If we fill it full of garbage well then how do you expect something good to come out of it? If we're addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, etc. eventually our minds will be corrupted and losing weight ultimately won't be lasting. We have to put fresh, pure things into out mind and think of our life a whole new positive way. If we don't do this our negativity will overtake our lives and effect all parts of our life including weather we lose weight and keep it off. If we can do this, losing weight will only be something we work at because we realize how silly we've been thinking all our lives.

So in conclusion, my opinion of what matters most in losing weight is not what you eat, is not if you exercise, it's how we think about ourselves and what we're allowing to come into our minds. If we have a corrupted mindset, losing weight will just be so much more excruciating to the point of not even caring if your life gets any better. I believe our mentality is the stem to all of our personal troubles and problems.