Thursday, October 28, 2010

So much to say...

Lately I've been having thoughts of so many things, I'm not sure whats up but I kinda like it. I only have 1 follower as of right now so I'm wondering how many different people actually read this blog, that's besides the point though...

I thought I mentioned somewhere in this blog that I'd also use it as a dream diary. If I didn't mentioned it though, let me mention it now, I'm going to utilize this blog as a dream diary for myself. I'm not sure if anyone will or can benefit from my dreams but I guess I wonder the same about my regular posts. I hope people can benefit from something but honestly this blog is only as a means to let you get to know me better, so reading my dreams will definitely help accomplish that... anywayz... I actually want to talk about my dream and another topic, first the other topic...

I don't know why I let other people's life annoy me, but it does sometimes. I guess it annoys me because you think you know someone better and then come to find out you didn't. I think it's also because I have so much love for those close to me, that it's constantly is eating away at me. I guess with what I've been though with friends I should have come to know this by now... I just don't understand why people near my age (25) want to date others with such already "involved" lives. A single person dates another with multiple kids and their age significantly different, why!? Don't they realize they still got most of their lives ahead of them? Yeah, sometimes love is unconditional but can't you make your love have some conditions for the sake of living your own life and not someone else's? I think sometimes, people let their emotions override their best rationale. Emotions, (especially lust) can take control of our lives, especially when we also think we're not supposed to be single or we don't fit in with others if we're single, now I know this is not always the case but I think it applies with some. It seems to me that some people just cannot live being without a significant other, which I also don't understand. God forbid you get your life on track and learn to support yourself and become an individual. If you did this think of how much more stable your household would be... It aggravates me because I don't want to see myself or friends at the age of 40-50, single, no kids and wondering where life is going to take them next.
Now for the dream log (Dlog) :oP

This is going to be mostly around religion and greater power than us, so if you're turned off by this might as well stop now but I believe you owe it to yourself to read on...

I claim myself as being a Christian, but am I a strong at understanding my own religion? No. Like so many of us I claim to be part of a religion and yet don't know a whole lot about it. To be honest with you, a lot of Christians around me can't answer the questions I ask out of curiosity, and don't understand or could tell me why they choose to be a Christian. Other than the fact that Jesus died and gave His Life so we could live eternally, they don't understand why their Christians and not, Jews, Baptist or Catholic. I've realized within this past year that if I'm going to claim to be something, than I better be something. Which is why I think I had this dream:

I dreamt that I was at my Grandmother's funeral. I was up at the pulpit in front of the crowded church of my family and friends. I can remember hearing so many people say, she was a good woman, she's in a much better place, she's with the angels looking down at us, and I got fed up with hearing this. Fed up because I knew no one believed what they were saying and that a lot of them didn't even know what to expect of Heaven and what God really had in store for us. Here are a couple of questions I can remember and the answers I gave. I'm writing this now to refer back to in the future as this was a dream and can easily be forgotten... On to what I was telling the crowd of people sitting in the church...

We question: Where is Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Heaven is a physical place outside this universe. Heaven does not exist in the clouds or anywhere in this universe. People that pass on, cannot look down and see us whenever they want to. Heaven cannot be accessed by human beings. I believe there is an atmosphere like wall that separates our Universe and Heaven, only The Lord can permit access through.

We question: What part of us goes to Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Our spirit is the only part of us that will go to Heaven. Our spirit was created by God, it's an energy that contains our personality, thoughts, ideas, memory, who we are. The brain is used to translate to and from our spirit to our body. Our spirit cannot be removed or seen in us with only human means. Our spirit is not affected when we are brain dead or have memory loss or dementia, these things are caused by the brain's inability to translate with our spirit correctly.

We question: Will we look like we do on Earth in Heaven?

The answer within my dream: We will be a healthy version of our human body that looks like its in it's 30th year of life. We will not have bodies of flesh, once our souls reach Heaven they will take on a solid form but indestructible as our body of flesh.

We question: Will we know each other in Heaven?

The answer within my dream: Yes, we will know each other in Heaven. We will be able to see a resemblance of the person we remembered on Earth but the people will not be as they were to us here on Earth. Our Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents will be equal to us in Heaven. We will have that same love we felt for them on Earth but that same feeling of love will be for everyone in Heaven.

We question: I assume everyone just goes to Heaven, Right? No, everyone will not enter the gates of Heaven. God gave us the ability to choose to accept His salvation. If we did not accept it on Earth then we will not make it into Heaven. (In the dream I knew there was a hell but did not describe it) In the dream I knew hell was located in the center of a rock and souls would end up there if they never decided to accept The Lord.

We question: If one of our loved ones don't make it to Heaven won't this cause us unbearable sorrow?

The answer within my dream: We will not remember those on Earth that did not make it to Heaven. (This is hard for me to accept) As stated, we will all be equal in Heaven and have an overflowing love for everyone just as we do for our close loved ones here on Earth. Because of this, we need to make sure we do everything within our power to spread His Word on Earth to satisfy our desire to see our close loved ones with us on Heaven.
In the dream, these questions are ones I brought up myself to see if anyone could answer them, no one had any answers, so I answered them to my best ability using a sense the Lord had given me.

After giving these explanations I told the crowd that I saw my Grandmother in Heaven praising The Lord weeping and holding her eyes, singing "Look What The Lord Has Done"! She was thanking Him for fully restoring her vision.

At the end of my speaking in the dream I stated that I did not know much of His exact words of Heaven, but was given the explanations in a dream. (Which applies to me now) Which is also why this dream is a sign for me that I better start knowing Him better.

As I was leaving our church, multiple family members came to me crying saying they never knew of what to really expect in Heaven but now had a better grasp and wanted to make sure they were able to go. I'm not going to mention who came to me in the dream but they told me there's been so much sin in their lives and they feel so ashamed and I told them, I too have been in your situation. I told them The Lord loved them and He would always accept them as long as they lived their life for Him.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I believe that God made us perfect. No matter how we look on the outside or how we may feel on the inside, God is perfection and what he created is perfection. We should strive to be like him. I also believe that although he created us perfectly it does not mean we are perfect. We create many imperfections for ourselves and one way we learn true strength is overcoming them. If you ever look at someone and think, geez why couldn't I just look as perfectly as they do or act perfectly as them. No one in this world is perfect and if you were to speak to the person in mind they'd tell you their insecurities and what they don't like about themselves. No matter where we are in our lives if you don't first accept yourself for who you are, what you look like, then you'll live your life hating yourself.

This is advice I'm giving myself, as they say the best to take is your own. I want to forget these imperfections and live without worrying about them. I don't know why I felt like i had to blog this but it's just on my mind right now. We can try to correct ourselves but it doesn't change who we are or make us any better. Learning to accept our self is the first step to becoming a better, happier, successful, person.

Allowing negative thoughts come in to our mind will undoubtedly take it's toll. I feel like there's just part of the mind that constantly interjects these negative thoughts, completely ignore this part and don't pay any attention when it starts acting up. Some people get medicated for it but I believe we can control it. My good friend once told me if God made this world and everything in it within 7 days we should be able to change these bad habits or ideas in a matter of minutes, we do have the ability and maintaining it is how we'll eventually do completely away with it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I said I wouldn't forget, yet whats happening...

I was browsing through some old e-mail tonight and I saw some e-mails I saved about my friends from only 3-4 years ago. As I read them I felt like it was AGES ago yet it was only 3 years ago... So much has changed in my life, a lot of stuff I said wouldn't happen, has. I guess over time everyone fades away. So many of my friends have made major decisions in their life, some good, some bad. I've pretty much stayed in the same spot, went to school and now I'm done and still working in the same dead end, feel like a slave, job.

I feel some what guilty of saying how much I loved my friends but now I rarely talk to them. I tell myself that we're still good friends, we're just busy. IDK, I think in order to be good friends you should see each other at least once a week... I guess something else I realized is that now I am very independent. I mean in regards to living on my own, no; but in regards of needing someone to spend most of time with, yes. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I guess I'll never feel hurt when they occasionally tend to hurt you. In a way I think being independent (I guess I mean by having no true friends) you come to find yourself. I see other people my age (and a lot older) that think they need to always go out with a group of people, get trashed, go to work hung over and repeat. Maybe if they could just take a step back from their "hectic" lives they would realize they'd want to be doing something different. IDK, that's what I think I've learnt.

I've been working on myself, who I am and about. For instance, when you get to know me I typically tend to be sarcastic to you in order to keep you at a safe distance. I think I've changed and letting people get closer. I mean there's still a wall but I give you the opportunity of at least of accessing the strong inner barrier. I also have not been taking any BS from people as well. If someone used to ever make a rude or demeaning comment to me I would normally shrug it off. Well I've been giving it back a lot lately and it feels good to use all of these years of practicing sarcasm to utilize as an actual offensive method. lol... idk maybe I'm becoming cold but I'm not letting anyone look down on me anymore.

As a side note, this has nothing to do with what I was talking about but... I am so tired of seeing people on Facebook supporting "Stop the bullying of gays" I mean it's terrible to "bully" anyone. Being gay is and always will be a controversial situation, it will never be like the unity of blacks and whites are now. If you're gay and being bullied, get away from that person. I'm reading an article about gay bullying and they say this:

' “It’s not even necessarily bullying, but some of the words that get thrown around at the school,” she said — words like the expression, “that’s so gay.” '

This was an article talking about 9 kids that committed suicide recently over being bullied. Anyone that commits suicide is a terrible loss because they obviously did need someone's help, and no one was there to offer it. In the Tyler Clementi situation he tried to remain private but someone outted him. The person that posted his sex video should definitely be charged with invasion of privacy, but for Tyler Clementi's death? No. People that commit suicide are not victims, they chose to take their lives. Tyler Clementi probably hated the idea of his family knowing he was gay, now the whole world knows it and is using his life to support more people of telling the world they're gay and trying to get everyone one else to accept it. It's just not going to happen... Unfortunately, if Tyler Clementi would have known committing suicide would just make him more known, he probably wouldn't have killed himself. In essence gays are doing him a disservice by spreading the word of his life.

I believe when a person thinks they're gay there are always underlying issues that need resolved. In this day and age though, they are being told they're A-OK and to accept who they are as everyone else is trying to accept you for who/how you are, as well. Why not deal with the issues in your life? When you're old, wrinkly and gray will you still love the person the same as you did when you were young? If so, your love must be unconditional. If your love is unconditional why could your love only be for someone of the same sex? Why not choose to have a full life with the opposite sex? For those that think you can have a full equal life being straight or gay, no you can't... in the long run you'll question yourself if you choose to stay with the same sex, and at that time your potential at living a fulfilled life will be over.