Monday, October 25, 2010

I said I wouldn't forget, yet whats happening...

I was browsing through some old e-mail tonight and I saw some e-mails I saved about my friends from only 3-4 years ago. As I read them I felt like it was AGES ago yet it was only 3 years ago... So much has changed in my life, a lot of stuff I said wouldn't happen, has. I guess over time everyone fades away. So many of my friends have made major decisions in their life, some good, some bad. I've pretty much stayed in the same spot, went to school and now I'm done and still working in the same dead end, feel like a slave, job.

I feel some what guilty of saying how much I loved my friends but now I rarely talk to them. I tell myself that we're still good friends, we're just busy. IDK, I think in order to be good friends you should see each other at least once a week... I guess something else I realized is that now I am very independent. I mean in regards to living on my own, no; but in regards of needing someone to spend most of time with, yes. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I guess I'll never feel hurt when they occasionally tend to hurt you. In a way I think being independent (I guess I mean by having no true friends) you come to find yourself. I see other people my age (and a lot older) that think they need to always go out with a group of people, get trashed, go to work hung over and repeat. Maybe if they could just take a step back from their "hectic" lives they would realize they'd want to be doing something different. IDK, that's what I think I've learnt.

I've been working on myself, who I am and about. For instance, when you get to know me I typically tend to be sarcastic to you in order to keep you at a safe distance. I think I've changed and letting people get closer. I mean there's still a wall but I give you the opportunity of at least of accessing the strong inner barrier. I also have not been taking any BS from people as well. If someone used to ever make a rude or demeaning comment to me I would normally shrug it off. Well I've been giving it back a lot lately and it feels good to use all of these years of practicing sarcasm to utilize as an actual offensive method. lol... idk maybe I'm becoming cold but I'm not letting anyone look down on me anymore.

As a side note, this has nothing to do with what I was talking about but... I am so tired of seeing people on Facebook supporting "Stop the bullying of gays" I mean it's terrible to "bully" anyone. Being gay is and always will be a controversial situation, it will never be like the unity of blacks and whites are now. If you're gay and being bullied, get away from that person. I'm reading an article about gay bullying and they say this:

' “It’s not even necessarily bullying, but some of the words that get thrown around at the school,” she said — words like the expression, “that’s so gay.” '

This was an article talking about 9 kids that committed suicide recently over being bullied. Anyone that commits suicide is a terrible loss because they obviously did need someone's help, and no one was there to offer it. In the Tyler Clementi situation he tried to remain private but someone outted him. The person that posted his sex video should definitely be charged with invasion of privacy, but for Tyler Clementi's death? No. People that commit suicide are not victims, they chose to take their lives. Tyler Clementi probably hated the idea of his family knowing he was gay, now the whole world knows it and is using his life to support more people of telling the world they're gay and trying to get everyone one else to accept it. It's just not going to happen... Unfortunately, if Tyler Clementi would have known committing suicide would just make him more known, he probably wouldn't have killed himself. In essence gays are doing him a disservice by spreading the word of his life.

I believe when a person thinks they're gay there are always underlying issues that need resolved. In this day and age though, they are being told they're A-OK and to accept who they are as everyone else is trying to accept you for who/how you are, as well. Why not deal with the issues in your life? When you're old, wrinkly and gray will you still love the person the same as you did when you were young? If so, your love must be unconditional. If your love is unconditional why could your love only be for someone of the same sex? Why not choose to have a full life with the opposite sex? For those that think you can have a full equal life being straight or gay, no you can't... in the long run you'll question yourself if you choose to stay with the same sex, and at that time your potential at living a fulfilled life will be over.

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