I used this as my title for the post on 1/1/2013 but think I meant to put 2012.
Well I accomplished 1 thing from my list of 2013 goals and that was purchasing a house! If you've ever purchased a home you know that this is a pretty big feat, so I'm pretty proud! I'm sure I'll continue to spend 2014 working on making it my own!
I'm kind of depressed that I gained 18 pounds during this year instead of losing weight. It doesn't come as a shock, I've been stressed and extremely busy with work, I just wish I weighed less instead of gaining. I'm not sure what 2014 will bring but I only foresee health issues if I don't get serious about losing...
While reading last years post I found it ironic that I was sick as I am sitting here writing this with a sore throat. Glad my body waits until after Christmas to get sick! I should make myself a note in Google calendar to start drinking vitamin C supplements before Christmas!
The other items besides losing weight on my 2013 goals were becoming a CCNP and starting my Bachelor's degree. Neither happened but I did take the first of 3 CCNP tests, and passed. My boss wants me to take a CCNP bootcamp so perhaps that will happen this year? Work has been so crazy this year that there really wasn't time to do studying. The Bachelor's was just totally out of the question, in my honest opinion it's not going to help me any more than a vendor certificate and experience will do. I'm not trying to make excuses but there are some legitimate reasons.
Predictions for 2014:
I will weigh 250 or less by 2015
I will get a significant promotion by 2015
I'll have my CCNP certificate
Someone close to me will pass on
Things I've learned during 2013:
Almost everyone I know is two-faced
Material objects no longer make me happy, at all
Material objects mean the world to a particular person I know
People of "tolerance" are the biggest hypocrites
I have not been home sick at all since moving out, as I predicted before moving.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Don't Think Just Do
The most encouraging words I heard today and perhaps ones I needed to hear for a while. Words that need to resonate in every part of my life. I do waay too much thinking and not enough doing. I need to make this life easier on me and just start doing without worrying what other people think. It seems like I'm starting to realize that so many people I've tried to please are hypocrites, I try to think of some people in my life that aren't and can count them on my hand. If only I could release the want of pleasing other people and just live for myself, I'd feel free. I'm going to start doing that, in fact I'm writing this now because I realize that it's what I've started to do. I guess when you begin to feel like nothing else is left you start living according to how you feel.
My final attempt is approaching, if I miss it this time I'm done... no more chances left...
My final attempt is approaching, if I miss it this time I'm done... no more chances left...
1:17:22
It's frustrating to me to see a person claim to be Christian yet accept Homosexuality. Bobby Conway speaks the purest truth...
Saturday, July 6, 2013
The Calling
Have you ever had a dream that was influenced by outside noises? Like once I've accidentally left the TV on and fell asleep. I'll hear particular parts of whatever is on and I'll start dreaming it. Well I'm writing this blog because I just experience something like this...
Right now it's about 10:00am and I'm sort of in and out of sleep.
I start dreaming that I'm at a friend's apartment, on the second story, sleeping in his recliner and then something startled me. I hear two people arguing that I believed was a boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. I hear the husband or whomever it was, shouting but it was in a calm loud voice, I also hear the wife but she is screaming so loud it sounded like she was in shock and someone had died or was about to die. So then I look out the window, I see dense trees and a person with a light searching for someone in the woods. He kept yelling out searching for the person, I can't remember the name of the person he was calling for but I assumed he lost his child. As time went on I was able to make more sense of the words that were being shouted from both of them. The husband was definitely looking for his child but the mother on the other hand was so furious at the husband. Every time he would call out for the child she would scream at the top of her lungs, telling the husband to STOP! She was cursing at him calling him every name in the book and every time he called for his child the mother would just get more furious, she sounded like a bat screeching, I was waiting to hear a gun shot because it sounded like the woman wanted the husband dead.
And this is why I mentioned the beginning... Eventually I realized that I was not dreaming these sounds of arguing, I was actually hearing this! I woke up and started to listen for these sounds again but they just faded away. I realize what they were now... The Lord was calling my name and Satan was getting angry. Satan was doing whatever he could to drown out the voices of The Lord. Satan was becoming so frantic at The Lord for calling to me. I have never experienced anything like this before but now I know what I have to do, I have to answer the Lord's call by drawing closer to Him.
Right now it's about 10:00am and I'm sort of in and out of sleep.
I start dreaming that I'm at a friend's apartment, on the second story, sleeping in his recliner and then something startled me. I hear two people arguing that I believed was a boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. I hear the husband or whomever it was, shouting but it was in a calm loud voice, I also hear the wife but she is screaming so loud it sounded like she was in shock and someone had died or was about to die. So then I look out the window, I see dense trees and a person with a light searching for someone in the woods. He kept yelling out searching for the person, I can't remember the name of the person he was calling for but I assumed he lost his child. As time went on I was able to make more sense of the words that were being shouted from both of them. The husband was definitely looking for his child but the mother on the other hand was so furious at the husband. Every time he would call out for the child she would scream at the top of her lungs, telling the husband to STOP! She was cursing at him calling him every name in the book and every time he called for his child the mother would just get more furious, she sounded like a bat screeching, I was waiting to hear a gun shot because it sounded like the woman wanted the husband dead.
And this is why I mentioned the beginning... Eventually I realized that I was not dreaming these sounds of arguing, I was actually hearing this! I woke up and started to listen for these sounds again but they just faded away. I realize what they were now... The Lord was calling my name and Satan was getting angry. Satan was doing whatever he could to drown out the voices of The Lord. Satan was becoming so frantic at The Lord for calling to me. I have never experienced anything like this before but now I know what I have to do, I have to answer the Lord's call by drawing closer to Him.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I Need A Reason
I'm still battling weight loss... right now the weight gain is winning... For the past 2 months I've been facing something different than I've ever experienced before when trying to lose weight. I'm starting to not care about losing weight, almost like I'm giving up at wanting to try any more. Are some people just meant to be overweight? I see some people that workout twice a day, 7 days a week and I wonder why someone wants to spend that much time in the gym. When do they relax, when do they indulge in the really good (bad) food and desserts? Why deprive yourself from fatty foods? Sure eating like that will make you fat and probably have a heart attack at some point in life but aren't we all going to die? I sound like some friends who tell me they aren't concerned about smoking and getting cancer because they know they will die some time anyway. I think that thought process is wrong but at the same time there is some truth to it. Someone that's in shape doesn't necessarily extend their time on earth, anyone could get into a car accident and be killed. Some sort of tragedy could occur and take your life.
If you're happy with yourself and your quality of life then you are perfect, regardless of how much you weigh.
Myself on the other hand. I am not happy with my life and the quality of life isn't top notch... I thank the Lord for the blessings He has given me. Less than 2 years ago I was working at a furniture store making 2 bucks over minimum wage, now I have a job in my field of study that's paying 3x over minimum wage, my car is paid off and I own a home! So much has changed in such a short amount of time it couldn't have been none other than the blessings of the Lord. I thank God for giving me everything. Even with my life on a good track, I'm still not entirely satisfied... I have to lose this weight. There are plenty of reasons on why I should and want to lose weight but I think they all boil down to this, I want a wife and family. No matter what I accomplish in life, no matter how much money I have, I'm not going to feel happy until I have my own family. I know God wants to bless me with this but it's the one thing I won't let Him bless me with. My weight over the span on my life has effected so many different aspects. You couldn't begin to understand unless you were in my shoes. It's aggravating when someone tells me they know what I'm going through because they had a similar problem... unless they were also 100+ pounds overweight for a majority of their life, you have NO IDEA! A person that's grown up average weight and then put on muscle doesn't have a clue what the work is like to first drop 100 pounds. I know they put in the work to become more muscular but if you're addicted to food and first have to drop weight you just don't know what it's like and never will. The way a person that's addicted to food and the lifestyle of a person that's been average weight for their entire life, cannot be comprehended by either party. I've been working with a trainer for the past 5 months and have come to the conclusion that trainers just aren't going to give me the type of help I need. The type of help I need can only come from 1 person, MYSELF. The feeling of being broken at the center of my core has to be mended. The thoughts that are always on my mind which blur out my positive conscience have to be tuned to a different channel. The way I comfort myself when doing good, with spending time with friends, when I'm happy, dealing with stress, when worried, when feeling depressed, have to change from eating to (something that has to be determined).
A talent I have is being able to predict what the future will bring. Not in a "fortune teller" type of way but in a way where I can see my ultimate goal and apply that toward the work I do today. It may not come for many years but I can see it coming to fruition. From now on I will remind myself that the reason I workout is for the prospect of one day having a family. If you could look at the core of my being you would see how impossible this seems. It feels like I'm trying to cross a fiery volcano using a broken bridge. It seems intimidating and impossible to do, people have even said don't try to cross because you'll only make it so far before coming back. To those people I say to them what Jesus told Satan in Matthew 16:23,
""Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.".
If you're happy with yourself and your quality of life then you are perfect, regardless of how much you weigh.
Myself on the other hand. I am not happy with my life and the quality of life isn't top notch... I thank the Lord for the blessings He has given me. Less than 2 years ago I was working at a furniture store making 2 bucks over minimum wage, now I have a job in my field of study that's paying 3x over minimum wage, my car is paid off and I own a home! So much has changed in such a short amount of time it couldn't have been none other than the blessings of the Lord. I thank God for giving me everything. Even with my life on a good track, I'm still not entirely satisfied... I have to lose this weight. There are plenty of reasons on why I should and want to lose weight but I think they all boil down to this, I want a wife and family. No matter what I accomplish in life, no matter how much money I have, I'm not going to feel happy until I have my own family. I know God wants to bless me with this but it's the one thing I won't let Him bless me with. My weight over the span on my life has effected so many different aspects. You couldn't begin to understand unless you were in my shoes. It's aggravating when someone tells me they know what I'm going through because they had a similar problem... unless they were also 100+ pounds overweight for a majority of their life, you have NO IDEA! A person that's grown up average weight and then put on muscle doesn't have a clue what the work is like to first drop 100 pounds. I know they put in the work to become more muscular but if you're addicted to food and first have to drop weight you just don't know what it's like and never will. The way a person that's addicted to food and the lifestyle of a person that's been average weight for their entire life, cannot be comprehended by either party. I've been working with a trainer for the past 5 months and have come to the conclusion that trainers just aren't going to give me the type of help I need. The type of help I need can only come from 1 person, MYSELF. The feeling of being broken at the center of my core has to be mended. The thoughts that are always on my mind which blur out my positive conscience have to be tuned to a different channel. The way I comfort myself when doing good, with spending time with friends, when I'm happy, dealing with stress, when worried, when feeling depressed, have to change from eating to (something that has to be determined).
A talent I have is being able to predict what the future will bring. Not in a "fortune teller" type of way but in a way where I can see my ultimate goal and apply that toward the work I do today. It may not come for many years but I can see it coming to fruition. From now on I will remind myself that the reason I workout is for the prospect of one day having a family. If you could look at the core of my being you would see how impossible this seems. It feels like I'm trying to cross a fiery volcano using a broken bridge. It seems intimidating and impossible to do, people have even said don't try to cross because you'll only make it so far before coming back. To those people I say to them what Jesus told Satan in Matthew 16:23,
""Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.".
Friday, May 31, 2013
Faith
"Did you know that the people who usually are the strongest are the most sensitive? Did you know that the people who exhibit the most kindness are usually the first to be mistreated? Did you know that the one who takes care of others all the time is usually the one who needs care the most? Did you know that the 3 hardest things to say are; I love you, I am sorry and Help me?"... -Author unknown
I'm not sure how to write this blog but what's on my mind is seeing the unknown. There are things we know, things we know we don't know and things we don't know we don't know. The things we don't know we don't know (we'll call it the "unknown") are what we need to be careful with. I think some people can't handle the unknown and the fact that they will never really know while here on earth.
I've had these thoughts after a friend so nonchalantly blasts Christianity. He seems like an intelligent person and the only conclusion I can come to about his bias closed mind view of Christianity is that he can't understand it. He won't allow himself to believe in something he can't prove, he can't have faith in someone he's never met. I can understand how this might be hard for him but I guess I'm stumped to why someone so intelligent can't figure out to at least respect other's views instead of making obvious side remarks which he thinks will go unnoticed. It must annoy him, knowing there are people who believe in something he cannot, it seems like a hatred is built from this. He's so open to all other religions and things against God's Word yet when it comes to God he hates Him and everyone whom believes in Him are just obviously whacked in the head...
This kind of rationale tells me that there's something wrong with him, something he's holding back or desiring to know. You can have all the good things of this earth but when it comes time to leave everything will turn to dust. How do people find it easier to believe in nothing rather than a loving and caring God that want's us to be with Him after life here?
This reminds me of the post I made a few days ago about people being different and not knowing they're different. If someone is an atheist yet they've never experienced a relationship with God or the Holy Spirit, they will never know they're unbelievers, until it's too late. If The Bible and God turns out to be a total sham I will die just as everyone and I will have lost nothing. This way of thinking shouldn't be a motivator to be more open minded to Christianity but it should at least make you rethink your position if you're against Christ. Humans (including myself :oP) are terrible examples of Christ. We try but we routinely fail. Don't base your opinion of God on what others have done or are doing. That's like thinking all Muslims are suicide bombers just because a few do it. First get a relationship with God to experience it for yourself before jumping to conclusions. This friend of mine is intelligent but he's going overlook the biggest opportunity of his life if he's not careful...
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when writing my feelings pertaining to God, I just have to realize that I'll never be perfect and I should still try to spread the Word of what I think is right.
This post also relates to the recent posting of finding the opposites within each other. See a person with an "open mind" yet within them parts are so very closed... To think my mind isn't open since I believe in God and to choose not accept some things of this world, would be a close-minded decision on your part, you have no idea how I came to my ultimate opinions in believing what God wants for us is good.
I'm not sure how to write this blog but what's on my mind is seeing the unknown. There are things we know, things we know we don't know and things we don't know we don't know. The things we don't know we don't know (we'll call it the "unknown") are what we need to be careful with. I think some people can't handle the unknown and the fact that they will never really know while here on earth.
I've had these thoughts after a friend so nonchalantly blasts Christianity. He seems like an intelligent person and the only conclusion I can come to about his bias closed mind view of Christianity is that he can't understand it. He won't allow himself to believe in something he can't prove, he can't have faith in someone he's never met. I can understand how this might be hard for him but I guess I'm stumped to why someone so intelligent can't figure out to at least respect other's views instead of making obvious side remarks which he thinks will go unnoticed. It must annoy him, knowing there are people who believe in something he cannot, it seems like a hatred is built from this. He's so open to all other religions and things against God's Word yet when it comes to God he hates Him and everyone whom believes in Him are just obviously whacked in the head...
This kind of rationale tells me that there's something wrong with him, something he's holding back or desiring to know. You can have all the good things of this earth but when it comes time to leave everything will turn to dust. How do people find it easier to believe in nothing rather than a loving and caring God that want's us to be with Him after life here?
This reminds me of the post I made a few days ago about people being different and not knowing they're different. If someone is an atheist yet they've never experienced a relationship with God or the Holy Spirit, they will never know they're unbelievers, until it's too late. If The Bible and God turns out to be a total sham I will die just as everyone and I will have lost nothing. This way of thinking shouldn't be a motivator to be more open minded to Christianity but it should at least make you rethink your position if you're against Christ. Humans (including myself :oP) are terrible examples of Christ. We try but we routinely fail. Don't base your opinion of God on what others have done or are doing. That's like thinking all Muslims are suicide bombers just because a few do it. First get a relationship with God to experience it for yourself before jumping to conclusions. This friend of mine is intelligent but he's going overlook the biggest opportunity of his life if he's not careful...
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when writing my feelings pertaining to God, I just have to realize that I'll never be perfect and I should still try to spread the Word of what I think is right.
This post also relates to the recent posting of finding the opposites within each other. See a person with an "open mind" yet within them parts are so very closed... To think my mind isn't open since I believe in God and to choose not accept some things of this world, would be a close-minded decision on your part, you have no idea how I came to my ultimate opinions in believing what God wants for us is good.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
If there's one thing I have learned...
It's that my judgement about people have almost always been wrong, almost always...
We shouldn't be bias or judge others but when people express a stereotype how can you not judge it as being from a particular background? After having watch The History Channel's, The Bible I have been more interested in really understanding the Bible. I feel now that I would like someone to discuss things with and have been looking about at local churches... I have been a member of my church for years but I feel that the message is geared for a different era of people. One on one with the pastor feels completely different to me than sitting through a sermon. I get much more out of having a conversation with a pastor than listening to a sermon and I'm wondering, have we became disconnected with the Word of God? Have we fallen into a type of rut that tells us our learning and teaching about God must take place in a certain fashion?
I found another local church, I have not attended but read it's Facebook posts and saw the pictures the pastor has posted and while I am not judging the pastor I don't see a Godly exterior. I see posts about how Christians are so down and trampled over, victims to this world and how we must over come it but are we really this tortured in our life? I think if some people are it's not because they're Christians it's because their decisions haven't been the greatest. I see a church that is very particular to their contemporary decor and a pastor that pays great attention to his self image. There's nothing wrong with looking nice or having a nice place of worship but I feels churches such as these have lost their sight. Should a church just be motivational or should you actually learn about God? Should you encourage your congregation to just wear flip-flops pants and a dirty t-shirt or should you teach them that in God's house you should try to show Him respect?
I think a contemporary church tries to break free of the traditional way of religion, which I agree needs to be done but at the same time they've completely missed the mark but not teaching God's word just as the traditional church. God's house isn't about what you wear or accepting the lack thereof, it should be about teaching your sheep! It's not about making someone feel good for the rest of the week it should be about giving the person knowledge of what God wants out of His people. Singing rap with "godly" lyrics doesn't classify the music as spiritual any more than a lifeless hymn. Traditional and contemporary churchs are both lost in trying to satisfy a specific group of people while still missing the mark. Why can't a church service be like a classroom with an open floor for asking questions and learning? Why must we listen to one person instead of putting our minds together to study and discover God's word? Why can't Christians have a strong knowledge of what they believe and why?
We shouldn't be bias or judge others but when people express a stereotype how can you not judge it as being from a particular background? After having watch The History Channel's, The Bible I have been more interested in really understanding the Bible. I feel now that I would like someone to discuss things with and have been looking about at local churches... I have been a member of my church for years but I feel that the message is geared for a different era of people. One on one with the pastor feels completely different to me than sitting through a sermon. I get much more out of having a conversation with a pastor than listening to a sermon and I'm wondering, have we became disconnected with the Word of God? Have we fallen into a type of rut that tells us our learning and teaching about God must take place in a certain fashion?
I found another local church, I have not attended but read it's Facebook posts and saw the pictures the pastor has posted and while I am not judging the pastor I don't see a Godly exterior. I see posts about how Christians are so down and trampled over, victims to this world and how we must over come it but are we really this tortured in our life? I think if some people are it's not because they're Christians it's because their decisions haven't been the greatest. I see a church that is very particular to their contemporary decor and a pastor that pays great attention to his self image. There's nothing wrong with looking nice or having a nice place of worship but I feels churches such as these have lost their sight. Should a church just be motivational or should you actually learn about God? Should you encourage your congregation to just wear flip-flops pants and a dirty t-shirt or should you teach them that in God's house you should try to show Him respect?
I think a contemporary church tries to break free of the traditional way of religion, which I agree needs to be done but at the same time they've completely missed the mark but not teaching God's word just as the traditional church. God's house isn't about what you wear or accepting the lack thereof, it should be about teaching your sheep! It's not about making someone feel good for the rest of the week it should be about giving the person knowledge of what God wants out of His people. Singing rap with "godly" lyrics doesn't classify the music as spiritual any more than a lifeless hymn. Traditional and contemporary churchs are both lost in trying to satisfy a specific group of people while still missing the mark. Why can't a church service be like a classroom with an open floor for asking questions and learning? Why must we listen to one person instead of putting our minds together to study and discover God's word? Why can't Christians have a strong knowledge of what they believe and why?
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