I'm sure you've felt like you really had to have something or just couldn't live without something before. You think about it routinely and you mull over the reasons on why you should and shouldn't obtain it. I've had this issue of mulling over the idea for 11 years now. I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably never stop mulling over the should and shouldn'ts of what I want. I know what I need and the first step to obtaining my need is to realize I actually already have what I want. I've been born with what I want and only need to form it into what I wish...
Sorry for the riddles but I had to blog this for myself... Anywayz...
My weight loss is still at a stand still, 287 now, gained a couple of pounds while I was healing from a bad sunburn from Daytona beach... I'm on a diet plan program but not sure if it's going to work for me... I just want to have lost a total of 50 pounds and feel like I can't get there! It's soo aggravating! I want to be able to go into the mall and fit into clothes! Anywayz, it's getting close to 4 o'clock and I need to get ready to see the final Harry Potter!!! I've started watching the series this past week and absolutely love it! Can't wait to read the books and visit Wizarding World at Universal! More on Harry Potter later!
I <3 all of my anonymous readers!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Quantum physics in a non scientific explanation.
Is this even possible, idk. I probably don't even know what I'm talking about but I just watched Source Code and called what was going to happen before the half of the movie was over! This might contain spoilers so be aware!
In the movie some government agency is experimenting with a new technology that lets this person in a vegetable state (but with some brain matter functioning) connect to the last 8 minutes of a person's conscience right before they die. The agency thought this connection was only their vegetable agent connecting to their last energy before death and seeing their conscience for the last 8 minutes of their life.
What I called was that the agent would eventually come to find that this was not an energy but an alternate reality. The changes he was making were effecting different realities. I predicted that he would resolve the issue before the person dies and that he would return back to the agency and they wouldn't even know what he was talking about when he reported that he solved the situation that killed people, and I was mostly right! Instead of returning he died in one reality but he made contact with the woman working for the government agency and told her what would happen in her future and that the bomb was diverted due to their new technology. They didn't realize that they actually saved lives and that the technology worked.
I was reading some articles online about quantum physics and let me tell you, I understand pretty much nothing! Although the theory of parallel universes has always been unsettling to me, watching this movie had me think of a blog I've written previously. Before I get back into that though read what I found in this article:
-End of quote
Perhaps you right now have just traveled from or to an alternate universe and don't even realize it. Perhaps you made a bad decision and decided to travel back into time (alternate universe) to try and resolve the mistake you made. Only thing is, you don't know the mistake you made. You don't know the mistake because we cannot communicate with our alternate self in a parallel universe all we can do is switch from one universe to the other and hope we correct our mistake.
Suppose I walk down the road and try crossing the busy highway and get hit and killed by a vehicle. I would have been gone from this universe. Perhaps I continue to sit here and type this blog and decide not to walk across the busy highway, would this be my alternate universe? Perhaps when the car hit and killed me, my body flew across the road and caused another accident that killed another innocent life. Could I still sit here and type this blog and at the same time give a call to the innocent person that was about to have my body fall on their windshield in the alternate universe to warn them and maybe save their life? That's what happened in Source Code, he warned of a train accident and prevented it from happening. Luckily the person he told helped prevent this accident, understood this theory and therefore knew it was truth.
So I wonder to myself... perhaps quantum physics isn't something we're going to solve or understand and perhaps we're not supposed to. Perhaps what some call quantum physics and it's alternate universes, are actually just our every day decisions? We will never be able to communicate with our alternate decisions because we didn't make them in this universe. You were brought to the universe you're in right now by your decisions, perhaps every second that passes we're traveling from one to another. What if all of us have this infinite amount of universes that we will all travel through but once we leave it, it's gone. Perhaps there is no "time" and only our souls travel through universe to universe quicker than we can realize. In my blog, "God and His wind-up toy..." I refer to this subject (not knowing at the time that it would relate to quantum physics) as a labyrinth, mazes or paths we choose.
God knows the universe we'll end in.
God gave us the ability to choose.
God sent us on this journey so we could be accountable at the end.
God doesn't predestine us for hell.
God wants souls that are for Him, I don't know the reason but there always is one with Him.
I'm telling you this because my heart is telling me it's rational, it all makes sense and this is what our life is about.
Remember in my blog (I thought I was wacko after reading it) about seeing yourself in a mirror reflection for an infinite amount of times? They can all by the same image and you can even predict the outcome of any movement in all of them! You could also shatter the first mirror and do something drastic that alters inner images that went on for an infinity. This shattering is called making a choice to alter your path.
In the movie some government agency is experimenting with a new technology that lets this person in a vegetable state (but with some brain matter functioning) connect to the last 8 minutes of a person's conscience right before they die. The agency thought this connection was only their vegetable agent connecting to their last energy before death and seeing their conscience for the last 8 minutes of their life.
What I called was that the agent would eventually come to find that this was not an energy but an alternate reality. The changes he was making were effecting different realities. I predicted that he would resolve the issue before the person dies and that he would return back to the agency and they wouldn't even know what he was talking about when he reported that he solved the situation that killed people, and I was mostly right! Instead of returning he died in one reality but he made contact with the woman working for the government agency and told her what would happen in her future and that the bomb was diverted due to their new technology. They didn't realize that they actually saved lives and that the technology worked.
I was reading some articles online about quantum physics and let me tell you, I understand pretty much nothing! Although the theory of parallel universes has always been unsettling to me, watching this movie had me think of a blog I've written previously. Before I get back into that though read what I found in this article:
"Our concepts of cause and effect will fly out the window," says Ben Bova, the science fiction author. "People will -- for various reasons -- try to fix the past or escape into the future. But we may never notice these effects, if the universe actually diverges. Maybe somebody already has invented a time machine and our history is being constantly altered, but we don’t notice the kinks in our path through time."http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/04/05/freaky-physics-proves-parallel-universes/
-End of quote
Perhaps you right now have just traveled from or to an alternate universe and don't even realize it. Perhaps you made a bad decision and decided to travel back into time (alternate universe) to try and resolve the mistake you made. Only thing is, you don't know the mistake you made. You don't know the mistake because we cannot communicate with our alternate self in a parallel universe all we can do is switch from one universe to the other and hope we correct our mistake.
Suppose I walk down the road and try crossing the busy highway and get hit and killed by a vehicle. I would have been gone from this universe. Perhaps I continue to sit here and type this blog and decide not to walk across the busy highway, would this be my alternate universe? Perhaps when the car hit and killed me, my body flew across the road and caused another accident that killed another innocent life. Could I still sit here and type this blog and at the same time give a call to the innocent person that was about to have my body fall on their windshield in the alternate universe to warn them and maybe save their life? That's what happened in Source Code, he warned of a train accident and prevented it from happening. Luckily the person he told helped prevent this accident, understood this theory and therefore knew it was truth.
So I wonder to myself... perhaps quantum physics isn't something we're going to solve or understand and perhaps we're not supposed to. Perhaps what some call quantum physics and it's alternate universes, are actually just our every day decisions? We will never be able to communicate with our alternate decisions because we didn't make them in this universe. You were brought to the universe you're in right now by your decisions, perhaps every second that passes we're traveling from one to another. What if all of us have this infinite amount of universes that we will all travel through but once we leave it, it's gone. Perhaps there is no "time" and only our souls travel through universe to universe quicker than we can realize. In my blog, "God and His wind-up toy..." I refer to this subject (not knowing at the time that it would relate to quantum physics) as a labyrinth, mazes or paths we choose.
God knows the universe we'll end in.
God gave us the ability to choose.
God sent us on this journey so we could be accountable at the end.
God doesn't predestine us for hell.
God wants souls that are for Him, I don't know the reason but there always is one with Him.
I'm telling you this because my heart is telling me it's rational, it all makes sense and this is what our life is about.
Remember in my blog (I thought I was wacko after reading it) about seeing yourself in a mirror reflection for an infinite amount of times? They can all by the same image and you can even predict the outcome of any movement in all of them! You could also shatter the first mirror and do something drastic that alters inner images that went on for an infinity. This shattering is called making a choice to alter your path.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Puzzled
As we age we gain experience and knowledge. These pieces of information are what form us. Some of us miss typical experiences and other just experience a completely different culture. Not one of us are the same, not one of us think the same or look the same. We may share opinions but not in every area of our thought.Uhhh, the stuff that's making me feel depressed right now are things I cannot talk about and it sux... I have no one to talk to and the people that want to listen I don't want them to hear.... what to do!
I want to believe that obtaining my goals will make me happy but I'm wondering if they actually will. What I want feels like it would only come true in a dream, not because I feel like it won't be reached but because I feel horror if it actually came true. Twisted isn't it? Well that's what I'm dealing with... a twisted mess. I need to realign the pieces to create a reality that works, not just one I may want.
Workin out is working out!
Couldn't think of a different title :oP
So I started out at weighing 328 pounds and now proud to say I'm at 284! That's a 44 pound loss! I can't believe I took that much off in only a little over 4 months! I guess that's about right but for someone that's always been overweight it seems like a huge milestone! Most of my body is still flabby but I can start to feel more of my forearms and biceps getting dense. I'm going to lose this weight and get in shape no matter what I have to do! I'm going to make sure I maintain a healthy diet, won't be starving myself. When I lost this weight previously the fad diet was basically starvation...
I think what's motivating me now is I just want to experience a solid body. I don't want any flab, anywhere! I wonder if it's even possible for my body to actually look good when this weight comes off... I guess I can't dwell on it too much just lose this weight and go from there I guess.
OMGawd, losing weight is such a mental battle! The feelings your body goes though because you're making it adjust to something new is tragic! Today I was feeling anger, depression and hate! I know this isn't how i normally feel, I just had to tell myself I can overcome these feelings, I am stronger. My body wants to just go home after work and veg but I forced myself to go to the gym. The gym helped release those feelings as well, which is a great thing!
I made a goal for next month of losing 16 pounds before August! So far it's going good, I'll be sooo happy if I meet this goal! It will put me at a 59 pound loss and at a weight of 269! I think back now to February and think of me stepping on that scale and weighing 328! I will never get to that weight again! So many more things are changing in my life just because of this loss already, I am so excited to get down to 190! Who knows what change that will make in my life!
So I started out at weighing 328 pounds and now proud to say I'm at 284! That's a 44 pound loss! I can't believe I took that much off in only a little over 4 months! I guess that's about right but for someone that's always been overweight it seems like a huge milestone! Most of my body is still flabby but I can start to feel more of my forearms and biceps getting dense. I'm going to lose this weight and get in shape no matter what I have to do! I'm going to make sure I maintain a healthy diet, won't be starving myself. When I lost this weight previously the fad diet was basically starvation...
I think what's motivating me now is I just want to experience a solid body. I don't want any flab, anywhere! I wonder if it's even possible for my body to actually look good when this weight comes off... I guess I can't dwell on it too much just lose this weight and go from there I guess.
OMGawd, losing weight is such a mental battle! The feelings your body goes though because you're making it adjust to something new is tragic! Today I was feeling anger, depression and hate! I know this isn't how i normally feel, I just had to tell myself I can overcome these feelings, I am stronger. My body wants to just go home after work and veg but I forced myself to go to the gym. The gym helped release those feelings as well, which is a great thing!
I made a goal for next month of losing 16 pounds before August! So far it's going good, I'll be sooo happy if I meet this goal! It will put me at a 59 pound loss and at a weight of 269! I think back now to February and think of me stepping on that scale and weighing 328! I will never get to that weight again! So many more things are changing in my life just because of this loss already, I am so excited to get down to 190! Who knows what change that will make in my life!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Details on: Holes in Ireland and An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes
So if you read the previous blog entry about my two dreams I had this morning, I feel these are some how connected to an actual experience I had and a dream from about 18 years ago.
I was sitting in my family room on the recliner, watching TV. My Dad was asleep and my mom hadn't come home from work yet. As I was watching TV I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, a white plastic bag from Universal Studios with E.T. on it was hanging from the back rest of the dining room chair. As I looked at the bag I noticed it was moving. The bag had something in it that I knew weighed it down enough to where a fan or draft from the A.C. could not be moving it. Yet as I watched, it was moving back and fourth. It freaked me out and I did nothing until my Mom came walking in. As she walked in, the bag stopped moving.
The reason I mention this is because that very same bag was the bag I has used to put the fruit my grandfather gave me in my dream from the previous blog entry.
And now for a dream I had about the same time, 18 years ago...
In the dream it seemed like my family was having a birthday party for me. All of my family from the Mattix side was over celebrating something. I can remember wanting to show my Grandfather and his friend some sort of item of mine. I want to say it was a medallion of some soft but I cannot remember, I mostly only remember what happened in this dream, not many specifics. In this dream it felt like it created a sense of history of dealing with this problem. The issue was, I felt an invisible force constantly tugging and pulling on me. No matter where I was this force could pull me in any way it wanted. It could grab my shirt sleeve or even arm and start pulling me away. I was so frightened by this force, I assumed it was a spirit or ghost doing this to me. For some reason I felt not only terrified of it but also embarrassed of it, I spent most of my time trying to ignore it.
So as I waled to my room to get this item i wanted to show everyone I felt this force start to mess with me. I got the item and went back to the family room and showed everyone. As I was showing it to everyone the force that was pulling me started to happen again. It was pulling my sleeve back toward the front of my house. What's weird is imagine someone actually pulling you by your sleeve. If you swing your arm in a circle you can make the person pulling it break away from you. So this is what I did while talking to everyone and making it look like I swang my arm in this way as part of me explaining what I was showing them. After doing this this force of being pulled left and didn't bother me again for a while.
What's so interesting about this dream is how it has come true in my life. No I'm not physically being pulled by the sleeve but mentally I sometimes deal with the same issue. I feel anxious and feel like I'm being sucked out of my life or like I can't experience it fully. I'm constantly being pulled back into my feeling of safety and not wanting to experience anything new. I sometimes have wondered if this dream was a sign of what I'd be dealing with in life.
I was sitting in my family room on the recliner, watching TV. My Dad was asleep and my mom hadn't come home from work yet. As I was watching TV I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, a white plastic bag from Universal Studios with E.T. on it was hanging from the back rest of the dining room chair. As I looked at the bag I noticed it was moving. The bag had something in it that I knew weighed it down enough to where a fan or draft from the A.C. could not be moving it. Yet as I watched, it was moving back and fourth. It freaked me out and I did nothing until my Mom came walking in. As she walked in, the bag stopped moving.
The reason I mention this is because that very same bag was the bag I has used to put the fruit my grandfather gave me in my dream from the previous blog entry.
And now for a dream I had about the same time, 18 years ago...
In the dream it seemed like my family was having a birthday party for me. All of my family from the Mattix side was over celebrating something. I can remember wanting to show my Grandfather and his friend some sort of item of mine. I want to say it was a medallion of some soft but I cannot remember, I mostly only remember what happened in this dream, not many specifics. In this dream it felt like it created a sense of history of dealing with this problem. The issue was, I felt an invisible force constantly tugging and pulling on me. No matter where I was this force could pull me in any way it wanted. It could grab my shirt sleeve or even arm and start pulling me away. I was so frightened by this force, I assumed it was a spirit or ghost doing this to me. For some reason I felt not only terrified of it but also embarrassed of it, I spent most of my time trying to ignore it.
So as I waled to my room to get this item i wanted to show everyone I felt this force start to mess with me. I got the item and went back to the family room and showed everyone. As I was showing it to everyone the force that was pulling me started to happen again. It was pulling my sleeve back toward the front of my house. What's weird is imagine someone actually pulling you by your sleeve. If you swing your arm in a circle you can make the person pulling it break away from you. So this is what I did while talking to everyone and making it look like I swang my arm in this way as part of me explaining what I was showing them. After doing this this force of being pulled left and didn't bother me again for a while.
What's so interesting about this dream is how it has come true in my life. No I'm not physically being pulled by the sleeve but mentally I sometimes deal with the same issue. I feel anxious and feel like I'm being sucked out of my life or like I can't experience it fully. I'm constantly being pulled back into my feeling of safety and not wanting to experience anything new. I sometimes have wondered if this dream was a sign of what I'd be dealing with in life.
Holes in Ireland and An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes
Just the 2 titles of my dreams I just had, yes this is going to be a dream blog entry...
I would normally disregard these dreams as just being crazy random dreams but I've realized that you shouldn't take any dream lightly. I believe they all have a meaning.
Holes in Ireland:
I was riding in a power boat along a huge body of water in Ireland. At the beginning of the dream I didn't realize I was in Ireland. The person I was with was discussing a death of a young girl, I feel like there were 2 deaths but I know for sure there was a young girl. He said the death of this girl was claimed to be by a shark attack but for some reason he thought it was more than just a shark attack. He told me sharks have been known to be in these waters but because of some new holes he discovered in this water, he thought someone had been up to something. Apparently he knew the waters very well and upon discovering these holes he was shocked because of the depth of the holes and the man power it would take to create them.
Anyway, he took me to this area in the water where the water was very shallow, shallow enough to walk in. He showed me the 2 holes he discovered, these holes were about 75-100 feet in diameter. He told me this area he brought me to was once all flat and able to be walked across but now these holes appeared right near the time this girl died in the water. He lacked the technology to measure the depth of the hole but said by the blackness of the hole, he knew is was fairly deep.
That was all I can remember of that dream...
An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes:
I dreamed that I was at my grandparents home and they were cooking a large dinner. I think one of my uncle's family was on the back porch, but not in the house.
I enter their house from the back door and then enter the kitchen and see one of them opening an oven full of sweet potatoes that were cut like cantaloupes but I knew they were skinned sweet potatoes. I can't remember much of speaking to them, now that I think about it I was pretty much just observing them, like I wasn't even there. Now that I am writing this I remembered why I entered the house from the back door. I got off the boat that I used in Ireland and docked at their home. Hmm weird how these 2 dreams felt completely different but now they are connected...
Well as I walked through their home and saw the sweet potatoes cooking (a good 3-4 racks of them cooking) I walked out of their front door. As I was leaving I knew my family was waiting for me to hop in the truck so we could leave. As I left though I saw a bag with E.T. on it that I got from Universal Studios, that I had used to put nectarines and other fruit my grandfather gave me. All the fruit that was in this bag was dumped right next to the wall of the house. I remember feeling bad that my grandfather gave me all this great fruit and I neglected it and just let all of this good fruit dump over and on their house. As I noticed this fruit just spilled out I looked over to my family waiting in the truck. The truck they were waiting in was my Dad's old Ford truck that he had from about 18-19 years ago. I also knew that my family was the same age of this truck was old to me. So my Dad, Mom and Sister were 19 years younger than I was in the dream. While they were waiting in the truck I heard an Adam Sandler Christmas radio special blaring from the truck. It sounded like on of Adam Sandler's movies but they were just listening to the audio. So I proceed to pick up the fruit and felt anxiety come over me. I felt like such a failure for letting this fruit dump on the ground and I felt like I let my Grandfather down as some of the fruit had also rotted now since I left it outside on the ground. The fruit took me a long time as well to pick up, I could only lift one piece at a time so I knew my family was probably getting impatient waiting on me. I thought of these things and that was the end.
Which will lead me to my next dreams which I had about 18-19 years ago.... right now I am in tears because I believe that somehow these dreams I just had are connected to dreams I had over 18 years ago...
I would normally disregard these dreams as just being crazy random dreams but I've realized that you shouldn't take any dream lightly. I believe they all have a meaning.
Holes in Ireland:
I was riding in a power boat along a huge body of water in Ireland. At the beginning of the dream I didn't realize I was in Ireland. The person I was with was discussing a death of a young girl, I feel like there were 2 deaths but I know for sure there was a young girl. He said the death of this girl was claimed to be by a shark attack but for some reason he thought it was more than just a shark attack. He told me sharks have been known to be in these waters but because of some new holes he discovered in this water, he thought someone had been up to something. Apparently he knew the waters very well and upon discovering these holes he was shocked because of the depth of the holes and the man power it would take to create them.
Anyway, he took me to this area in the water where the water was very shallow, shallow enough to walk in. He showed me the 2 holes he discovered, these holes were about 75-100 feet in diameter. He told me this area he brought me to was once all flat and able to be walked across but now these holes appeared right near the time this girl died in the water. He lacked the technology to measure the depth of the hole but said by the blackness of the hole, he knew is was fairly deep.
That was all I can remember of that dream...
An Oven Full of Sweet Potatoes:
I dreamed that I was at my grandparents home and they were cooking a large dinner. I think one of my uncle's family was on the back porch, but not in the house.
I enter their house from the back door and then enter the kitchen and see one of them opening an oven full of sweet potatoes that were cut like cantaloupes but I knew they were skinned sweet potatoes. I can't remember much of speaking to them, now that I think about it I was pretty much just observing them, like I wasn't even there. Now that I am writing this I remembered why I entered the house from the back door. I got off the boat that I used in Ireland and docked at their home. Hmm weird how these 2 dreams felt completely different but now they are connected...
Well as I walked through their home and saw the sweet potatoes cooking (a good 3-4 racks of them cooking) I walked out of their front door. As I was leaving I knew my family was waiting for me to hop in the truck so we could leave. As I left though I saw a bag with E.T. on it that I got from Universal Studios, that I had used to put nectarines and other fruit my grandfather gave me. All the fruit that was in this bag was dumped right next to the wall of the house. I remember feeling bad that my grandfather gave me all this great fruit and I neglected it and just let all of this good fruit dump over and on their house. As I noticed this fruit just spilled out I looked over to my family waiting in the truck. The truck they were waiting in was my Dad's old Ford truck that he had from about 18-19 years ago. I also knew that my family was the same age of this truck was old to me. So my Dad, Mom and Sister were 19 years younger than I was in the dream. While they were waiting in the truck I heard an Adam Sandler Christmas radio special blaring from the truck. It sounded like on of Adam Sandler's movies but they were just listening to the audio. So I proceed to pick up the fruit and felt anxiety come over me. I felt like such a failure for letting this fruit dump on the ground and I felt like I let my Grandfather down as some of the fruit had also rotted now since I left it outside on the ground. The fruit took me a long time as well to pick up, I could only lift one piece at a time so I knew my family was probably getting impatient waiting on me. I thought of these things and that was the end.
Which will lead me to my next dreams which I had about 18-19 years ago.... right now I am in tears because I believe that somehow these dreams I just had are connected to dreams I had over 18 years ago...
Friday, May 20, 2011
Friendship -My Attempt At Understanding?
Friendship is actually a topic I probably shouldn't write about. I think I've had a lot of bad experiences with friends and perhaps my opinion of friendships is going to be a negative one... I read online that a true friendship requires for the 2 people to have something to gain from one another. This doesn't mean a material object but a benefit to the other person, mentally. When I think about it, it makes sense.. Why do we like having friends? They make us happy and they are capable of pulling us out of daily worries and stress. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but when i started this blog I promised to myself and I think I wrote that I would never delete something I started writing... I feel the urge to now because I'm not really sure where this is going but I'll leave it...
I read that having a true friendship while in a marriage can help the woman and/or the man cope with stress and personal issues. Of course these "true friends" are with the same sex as the person, not the opposite. I believe that cross-sex friendships would only causes issues in a marriage... I guess for some people there are personal issues or things going on in their life that they can't or don't feel comfortable telling their partner in marriage. I always thought you'd be able to speak about anything to your partner. I guess I'm writing this because I'm not sure what a strong or true friendship is any more. I don't need friends for the mental or emotional support, (I think) I've got that under control; but having friends to at least be a more social person is a great thing. Some people really need and depend on friends, which is a great and healthy thing. It's just, I hope you don't put too much dependence on friends because at some point and time they'll let you down. You've gotta be strong for yourself.
Writing this blog I believe has helped me to be more in touch with my feelings and also understand other's feelings at the same time, some how. I can have conversations about controversial topics and still maintain a calm and relaxed composure without feeling offended or mad at the other person for not having the same views. I used to be pretty bad at holding a grudge for the person when they didn't think the same way I did. Anyway, I had a pretty personal convo with someone today and I was proud of what I had to say and how I said it. I value all life of human beings as highly valuable and never want to see a death of an innocent person, after or before being birthed. This person did not have the same views as I. I think certain wisdom comes to a person from age and their view of life is different at the age of 80 as their view at 20. I believe the 80 year old has the true perspective of life and what it really means and what we're supposed to do with our life. I told this person my raw thoughts and opinion (meaning I didn't sugar coat anything and just gave them examples of how a human thinks of age). I didn't realize that this would cause them to be emotional and I never even thought I could change a person's views of life, but I'm pretty sure I did. That reason is why I write this blog. I'm not sure if I make any sense to you reading this but I write it because it's on my heart. I rarely speak from my heart, I worry how someone will accept it and if they will accept it.
The real reason on why I wrote this is because I'm confused. I don't know what a friendship is or how one is supposed to work. All I can do perhaps is offer me, myself as an honest person with myself and with you. If we present ourselves as a false self we will never gain a closeness and eventually it will shatter and the realization of the wide gap will be there. Perhaps I am not the only one who hasn't been true, perhaps now I can see people of who and what they truly are and I'm noticing the gap now between us. We've been brain washed into feeling we have to act a certain way around specific people and cannot truly just be ourselves, personal, deep, thoughtful self. I mean everyone won't want to hear EVERYTHING we always have to say but if we are true to ourself at all times than that's all that matters. I think the easiest way of defining "being true to ourself" is not having he conscience thought or worry that someone isn't going to accept us for how we look or for who we are and believe. If this is the case we also won't feel like we need to impress anyone because if they don't like us for ourself than why bother to build a weak bridge over a gap they'll eventually crumble. Don't even waste our time... Be kind but be honest.
I read that having a true friendship while in a marriage can help the woman and/or the man cope with stress and personal issues. Of course these "true friends" are with the same sex as the person, not the opposite. I believe that cross-sex friendships would only causes issues in a marriage... I guess for some people there are personal issues or things going on in their life that they can't or don't feel comfortable telling their partner in marriage. I always thought you'd be able to speak about anything to your partner. I guess I'm writing this because I'm not sure what a strong or true friendship is any more. I don't need friends for the mental or emotional support, (I think) I've got that under control; but having friends to at least be a more social person is a great thing. Some people really need and depend on friends, which is a great and healthy thing. It's just, I hope you don't put too much dependence on friends because at some point and time they'll let you down. You've gotta be strong for yourself.
Writing this blog I believe has helped me to be more in touch with my feelings and also understand other's feelings at the same time, some how. I can have conversations about controversial topics and still maintain a calm and relaxed composure without feeling offended or mad at the other person for not having the same views. I used to be pretty bad at holding a grudge for the person when they didn't think the same way I did. Anyway, I had a pretty personal convo with someone today and I was proud of what I had to say and how I said it. I value all life of human beings as highly valuable and never want to see a death of an innocent person, after or before being birthed. This person did not have the same views as I. I think certain wisdom comes to a person from age and their view of life is different at the age of 80 as their view at 20. I believe the 80 year old has the true perspective of life and what it really means and what we're supposed to do with our life. I told this person my raw thoughts and opinion (meaning I didn't sugar coat anything and just gave them examples of how a human thinks of age). I didn't realize that this would cause them to be emotional and I never even thought I could change a person's views of life, but I'm pretty sure I did. That reason is why I write this blog. I'm not sure if I make any sense to you reading this but I write it because it's on my heart. I rarely speak from my heart, I worry how someone will accept it and if they will accept it.
The real reason on why I wrote this is because I'm confused. I don't know what a friendship is or how one is supposed to work. All I can do perhaps is offer me, myself as an honest person with myself and with you. If we present ourselves as a false self we will never gain a closeness and eventually it will shatter and the realization of the wide gap will be there. Perhaps I am not the only one who hasn't been true, perhaps now I can see people of who and what they truly are and I'm noticing the gap now between us. We've been brain washed into feeling we have to act a certain way around specific people and cannot truly just be ourselves, personal, deep, thoughtful self. I mean everyone won't want to hear EVERYTHING we always have to say but if we are true to ourself at all times than that's all that matters. I think the easiest way of defining "being true to ourself" is not having he conscience thought or worry that someone isn't going to accept us for how we look or for who we are and believe. If this is the case we also won't feel like we need to impress anyone because if they don't like us for ourself than why bother to build a weak bridge over a gap they'll eventually crumble. Don't even waste our time... Be kind but be honest.
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