Sunday, October 2, 2016

Breaking the mold

As I begin another weight loss journey in my life I begin thinking of the type of life I will lead when I'm skinny, how much more fun and out going my life will be, how friends will always want to hang out with me. I'm not sure why I think these things will change, some things like the way you're treated by men and women are definitely different (been there once). In reality though to greatly effect your way of life I think there needs to be a mentality shift. The things we have become accustomed to need to be changed, the mold we based our lived around needs to shatter! Losing weight really is all in the mind, it's even more difficult doing this completely alone. I've been trying to work out with someone from work but I may look into using a trainer again. Having the person motivating you and someone to be accountable to is soo much help.

Weight loss was one of the reasons I bring up the topic of "breaking the mold" but another reason is because something else was bothering me. I was thinking about childhood and how I did more as a family. Back then my Dad just seemed a lot more outgoing, we'd go camping, travel to the family's cabin in N.C., play Mario Kart, football, baseball... now it just seems like we do nothing. Both of my parents are consumed with working, I'm not sure if it's for the extra couple of bucks or just to keep them busy with something.

Since all of my grandparents have passed, the shortness of this life just seems much more apparent to me. I literally lose my breathe when I think of them no longer being here. They were the people I could reside in, my maternal grandmother was also like a good friend. We'd see movies together, go out to eat, share some wild stories. Nanny was so intelligent and lived a colorful life with so many great experiences. I hate to think of all the lost memories and stories that went with her. I wish so much that she'd just come back. Sometimes I feel like I should've been there near the end with her more. I know she realizes I loved her but I wish I said it more, I wish I expressed it more. I wish this for all of my grandparents. I want them all back so badly... I'm different without them here. I care less about life some times but I'm doing my best to deal with it. The thing I need to remember most is to create new memories with those I still have around me. Try to give other people the joys my grandparents gave me.

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