I've been meaning to post a blog for quite a while now! I have been busy with work and also hitting the gym pretty hard! I don't really know where this motivated came from, but it's here, and here to stay! Actually I kinda have a clue and yeah I'll tell it to you...
I had a dream (what's new right, I'm sure I sound like MLK by now!) that my grandmother (Rita) came over my place to visit. Well when she came walking in she says, Mark every time I see you you're gaining more weight! Why don't you start eating healthier and get serious about exercising!? I said, well Nanny it's so expensive to eat healthy and buy organically! She exclaimed, "Mark, this is your health we're talking about, the expense should not be a hindrance!"
So ever since that dream I've been hitting the gym and decided to get serious about losing weight. I truly believe our dreams should not be taken lightly, there's always a purpose behind them it seems. Anywho... I've got a personal trainer as someone to be accountable to, and of course to show me how to properly workout and what I should be doing. For me the psycho-logic factor of knowing he's going to see what I eat and my true progress motivates me to strive for doing better.
Ok, now for the juicy deep thought stuff that I've been anxiously wanting to write about! lol, I'm crazy, I know!
Over just the past two weeks I have come to realize the real value of eating right. I've been putting good healthy natural food into my body and it's already making a huge difference! I sleep better for starters. I've only lost 12 pounds within the past 2 weeks but yes, I already notice a huge difference. I would normally jump up during sleep because I had the sensation of feeling my heart beat, and sometimes thinking it stopped. I thought about this more but I think what I had going on was sleep apnea. I stopped breathing during my sleep which would make me jump up once I realized I wasn't getting air. I am usually very private about my health but I am writing this for my future self so I remember what it was like being 328 pounds. I would dread going to sleep because I always thought of the horrible feeling of jumping up. It's so terrible but this the real life stuff that comes with being overweight. I realize I should have had a doctor look into this but heart issues completely fear me. Perhaps my Dad telling me of the clogged arteries my Grandfather had and the open heart surgery procedure to install stints and how I would follow in those footsteps if I'm heavy, has something to do with it? Yet did they teach me how to eat healthy, (besides buying a fresh can of green beans) to go with the red meat, potatoes and bread for dinner. I'm not blaming my parents for my weight gain but if you never give a child crap for food they will never crave it. That's just common sense, anywayz where was I...
Ah yes, there are two areas to be worked on when losing weight! I know this because I've been through it (knowledge+ experience = wisdom, remember that) Those two areas are, (obviously) your physical body and your mentality. My trainer said 70% of losing weight depends on what you eat. This may be true but I say 100% of being successful is your mentality! If it wasn't for me deciding ok, let's get serious about losing this weight how would I ever be successful? If I tell myself I can't do it, guess what, I won't do it! You are what you tell yourself. One of my blogs comes to mind about Humans having the ability to summon an emotion or a shot of adrenaline whenever you choose. During my first week of working about I thought to myself, ah I worked really hard last night, I am so tired I just wanna go home to rest and I'll work out really good tomorrow. Well I got no rest and tomorrow comes and guess what, I'm way to tired to work out! My thoughts held me back all the time. So what do I do? I don't think about it! I tell myself I'm going to the gym and that's all there is to it now. Working out a eating healthy is going to be a part of my life. Some nights I feel like I just wanna go home and veg on my sofa. Physically I'm tired, but I push those thoughts to the side and my mind empowers my body to keep moving on. I believe all of us have this ability, it's just a matter of utilizing it. Perhaps this sounds like "will power" but for me it's something more. When I see a warm cinnabon coming from the oven with a thick sweet glaze covering it, holding myself back from eating it is "will power". Not allowing my mind to give into my human way of thinking is more than just will power. I'm honestly not sure what you would call it but it's something we all can do if we want to.
I've been dealing with depression and partially because of my weight but the other part because I just think all wrongly about myself. I look at other people and see how much more in shape they are than me and along with that feeling comes, they're smarter than me, which intimidates me. Imagine living a life where you feel everyone is better than you. You don't even know the person but because they might be skinner you feel completely worthless to them. I feel like I can't even speak to them because they might catch on to how stupid I feel or maybe they'll be looking at the fat on my body in disgust. I have lived so many of my years feeling this insecurity and I just want it to go away. Problem is, losing weight doesn't mean you change you're way of thinking... (remember I've been there from losing weight once). Your mental health plays such a huge role into losing weight and keeping it off! How does one "exercise" or "eat right" for our mentality?
Have you ever heard the expression, 'Garbage in equal garbage out"? That's how our minds work. If we fill it full of garbage well then how do you expect something good to come out of it? If we're addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, etc. eventually our minds will be corrupted and losing weight ultimately won't be lasting. We have to put fresh, pure things into out mind and think of our life a whole new positive way. If we don't do this our negativity will overtake our lives and effect all parts of our life including weather we lose weight and keep it off. If we can do this, losing weight will only be something we work at because we realize how silly we've been thinking all our lives.
So in conclusion, my opinion of what matters most in losing weight is not what you eat, is not if you exercise, it's how we think about ourselves and what we're allowing to come into our minds. If we have a corrupted mindset, losing weight will just be so much more excruciating to the point of not even caring if your life gets any better. I believe our mentality is the stem to all of our personal troubles and problems.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
God and His wind-up toy...
Did God create us as a simple toy to wind-up really tight, set on the floor and watch waddle across the room to the other side? Did he put us here knowing our inevitable path? Why did God even bother with giving us a life here on Earth? Do I have the answer, no. Although I do have an opinion... Why should you even care!? Because if I'm right, I'll be talking about your life after death. Surely that has to at least sound important to you? ...
I'm a sinner and I wonder why God would have me write and think about the things I do. Why do I even care to believe in God, what has he done for me, what tangible thing has he given me? I have a strong desire of interest because as I said above, this is the after life we're talking about. If you aren't concerned with it, you may be living in a place after you die that you wish you could get out of... but won't be able to. So I think it's in every humans best interest to at least consider your possibilities, no?
I just finished commenting a post I made a couple of weeks ago.; About how we have many branches in life and how we get to choose which we take. I was thinking does God REALLY know everything and if he did, doesn't He know every branch we choose, every choice we make. Sure we get free choice of how we live our lives and we can alter it at any moment, but God will always be ahead of us in knowing what we're about to do, or think. If we could ask God when we're born, will I live to serve you and go to Heaven or will I perish in Hell? If He could answer this since He's all-knowing then why even bother going through life if it isn't worth it?
...This subject requires faith, are you willing? I may know your path but you don't. You're the one whom needs to find it, for you will gain from choosing it. (This just came to my mind so I wrote it)
--------------------------
Forget the conversation, in your mind visual this...
Your sitting a a desk with a white piece of paper.
You need to draw the most difficult labyrinth (maze) you ever could think about drawing. However, there are some guidelines to follow when making your labyrinth...
1. Your maze will have 1 straight line down the middle to the finish .
2. Your maze will have dead ends.
3. (This is why it's difficult) Your maze will have a hundred trillion alternate routes on both sides of the straight line. The alternate routes at some point, will route back into the main line that leads to the finish.
Now, you've created you're maze.
This is the goal for anyone that has the opportunity at entering your labyrinth...
GOAL OF LABYRINTH:
Take as many of the hundred trillion routes you can take, without giving up at a dead end. The more routes you take the stronger you become. If you just walk down the route leading straight to the finish, you'll finish, but be a very weak person.
Perhaps this is what God intended for us? He gives us this life full of free will choices to see how strong we will become from living in it. Perhaps the whole idea of giving us souls and creating Earth was to create very strong souls for him to be with in Heaven. Perhaps there's a purpose for us in Heaven that He hasn't told us about.
-----------------
Ok Mark, that's great but I've completed my maze now and I'm looking back on it, seeing the lines I left through it. Didn't the all knowing God already see this as well? I'm sure He did. Well what's the point of Him giving us life if he already knew how we'd end up!? I don't know that answer but I do have a question...
Perhaps this natural idea of why should I even bother walking through this maze (life) if He knows the end, is simply one of those paths that leads to a dead end in your maze, or the simple straight line to finish? Do you choose to give up on the Lord and not strengthen your walk with Him?
Out of experience comes strength, out of experience comes wisdom, out of experience comes opinion, out of experience comes individuality, out of experience comes your personality. Do you wish this was simply given to you? Do you not think that if it was simply given to you, you'd probably be a clone of the next soul? The maze isn't for Him to determine you (He already knows you), the maze (life) is for you to determine you (your soul). What I said randomly because it came to my mind makes more sense now, read it again...
"...This subject requires faith, are you willing? I may know your path but you don't. You're the one whom needs to find it, for you will gain from choosing it."
I'm a sinner and I wonder why God would have me write and think about the things I do. Why do I even care to believe in God, what has he done for me, what tangible thing has he given me? I have a strong desire of interest because as I said above, this is the after life we're talking about. If you aren't concerned with it, you may be living in a place after you die that you wish you could get out of... but won't be able to. So I think it's in every humans best interest to at least consider your possibilities, no?
I just finished commenting a post I made a couple of weeks ago.; About how we have many branches in life and how we get to choose which we take. I was thinking does God REALLY know everything and if he did, doesn't He know every branch we choose, every choice we make. Sure we get free choice of how we live our lives and we can alter it at any moment, but God will always be ahead of us in knowing what we're about to do, or think. If we could ask God when we're born, will I live to serve you and go to Heaven or will I perish in Hell? If He could answer this since He's all-knowing then why even bother going through life if it isn't worth it?
...This subject requires faith, are you willing? I may know your path but you don't. You're the one whom needs to find it, for you will gain from choosing it. (This just came to my mind so I wrote it)
--------------------------
Forget the conversation, in your mind visual this...
Your sitting a a desk with a white piece of paper.
You need to draw the most difficult labyrinth (maze) you ever could think about drawing. However, there are some guidelines to follow when making your labyrinth...
1. Your maze will have 1 straight line down the middle to the finish .
2. Your maze will have dead ends.
3. (This is why it's difficult) Your maze will have a hundred trillion alternate routes on both sides of the straight line. The alternate routes at some point, will route back into the main line that leads to the finish.
Now, you've created you're maze.
This is the goal for anyone that has the opportunity at entering your labyrinth...
GOAL OF LABYRINTH:
Take as many of the hundred trillion routes you can take, without giving up at a dead end. The more routes you take the stronger you become. If you just walk down the route leading straight to the finish, you'll finish, but be a very weak person.
Perhaps this is what God intended for us? He gives us this life full of free will choices to see how strong we will become from living in it. Perhaps the whole idea of giving us souls and creating Earth was to create very strong souls for him to be with in Heaven. Perhaps there's a purpose for us in Heaven that He hasn't told us about.
-----------------
Ok Mark, that's great but I've completed my maze now and I'm looking back on it, seeing the lines I left through it. Didn't the all knowing God already see this as well? I'm sure He did. Well what's the point of Him giving us life if he already knew how we'd end up!? I don't know that answer but I do have a question...
Perhaps this natural idea of why should I even bother walking through this maze (life) if He knows the end, is simply one of those paths that leads to a dead end in your maze, or the simple straight line to finish? Do you choose to give up on the Lord and not strengthen your walk with Him?
Out of experience comes strength, out of experience comes wisdom, out of experience comes opinion, out of experience comes individuality, out of experience comes your personality. Do you wish this was simply given to you? Do you not think that if it was simply given to you, you'd probably be a clone of the next soul? The maze isn't for Him to determine you (He already knows you), the maze (life) is for you to determine you (your soul). What I said randomly because it came to my mind makes more sense now, read it again...
"...This subject requires faith, are you willing? I may know your path but you don't. You're the one whom needs to find it, for you will gain from choosing it."
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Distorted
What came first, the distorted thoughts or the physical deterioration... I watched the A&E series HEAVY tonight and it got me thinking (or maybe the Captian Morgan that I drank to help me sleep). The people on the show have distorted ways of thought. They turn to food for comfort and I too see myself doing the same. They've had issues in their life that have traumatized them into gaining weight, I wonder what happened to me? I can't even go to the gym for longer than a week... they go to the gym to survive. I haven't gotten to that point of knowing I need to go to survive but I'm on that road, that's for sure...
I'm imaging what I'll be like when I get fit and have more self confidence. I see greater pain to be truthful... I have my reasons but I also have a desire for this pain... the pain that people have caused me. Pain of neglect, taken for granted, not being accepted. All pains I've felt for a long time and plan to turn the tables on, not out of resentment but out of only feeling these things and not knowing differently. I want to start living for myself and not for ANYONE else. At the same time, I also deeply desire someone who yearns to need me. Not only in a sexual way but in a way of every aspect of their life. That person will also know this same feeling of pain and not take anything for granted but be thanking God everyday they have me near them. As the feeling will also be mutual for that person from me.
Being overweight has taken it's toll on my mind. It has distorted my core mental processes and I wonder if it will ever be within the range or someone normal. You know no matter what happens I believe The Lord knows who I am. I leave myself in The Lord's hands. He knows the path I should take and I feel he'll lead me in that direction. Perhaps what I think is distorted is actually just allowing me to learn the way Humans think...
I'm imaging what I'll be like when I get fit and have more self confidence. I see greater pain to be truthful... I have my reasons but I also have a desire for this pain... the pain that people have caused me. Pain of neglect, taken for granted, not being accepted. All pains I've felt for a long time and plan to turn the tables on, not out of resentment but out of only feeling these things and not knowing differently. I want to start living for myself and not for ANYONE else. At the same time, I also deeply desire someone who yearns to need me. Not only in a sexual way but in a way of every aspect of their life. That person will also know this same feeling of pain and not take anything for granted but be thanking God everyday they have me near them. As the feeling will also be mutual for that person from me.
Being overweight has taken it's toll on my mind. It has distorted my core mental processes and I wonder if it will ever be within the range or someone normal. You know no matter what happens I believe The Lord knows who I am. I leave myself in The Lord's hands. He knows the path I should take and I feel he'll lead me in that direction. Perhaps what I think is distorted is actually just allowing me to learn the way Humans think...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
A short quote from the movie, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" 1945
Irish Grandmother talking to her Daughter and Grandchildren about their learning to read:
"This reading will not stop I say this thing! To this new land your Grandfather and I came very long ago now because we heard about here is something very good. Hard we worked, very hard, but we could not find this thing. For a long time I do not understand and then I know when I am old. I know in that old country a child can rise no higher than his father feet, but here in this place, each one is free to go as far as he's good to make up himself. This way the child can be better than the parent. And this is the true way things grow better and this has to do something that they learning which is here free to all people. I am who old miss these things, my children miss these things but my children's children shall not miss it, this reading shall not stop!"
---------------
I just found this person's conversation with her family very interesting. She and her Husband came to america to find something special. To find true freedom with the ability to not live in poverty for all their lives. As she said, she did not find it during her life time but she'll be darned if her Child's Children shall also not find it! People like her have made America what it is now, the land of where you can fulfill your dreams if you work hard enough to reach them. In her home Country, Ireland, she did not have this opportunity. All of us have this opportunity now and yet so, so many of us just take it for granted and do nothing with it! If we (I) all had her same mentality we would be set for life and have no financial worries! I think we have lost touch with this dream our ancestor's from only 4/5 generations had. It scares me to think what another 4/5 generations from now will think...
BTW, the movie was GREAT! It deserves a watch!!! And also a purchase! :o))
Irish Grandmother talking to her Daughter and Grandchildren about their learning to read:
"This reading will not stop I say this thing! To this new land your Grandfather and I came very long ago now because we heard about here is something very good. Hard we worked, very hard, but we could not find this thing. For a long time I do not understand and then I know when I am old. I know in that old country a child can rise no higher than his father feet, but here in this place, each one is free to go as far as he's good to make up himself. This way the child can be better than the parent. And this is the true way things grow better and this has to do something that they learning which is here free to all people. I am who old miss these things, my children miss these things but my children's children shall not miss it, this reading shall not stop!"
---------------
I just found this person's conversation with her family very interesting. She and her Husband came to america to find something special. To find true freedom with the ability to not live in poverty for all their lives. As she said, she did not find it during her life time but she'll be darned if her Child's Children shall also not find it! People like her have made America what it is now, the land of where you can fulfill your dreams if you work hard enough to reach them. In her home Country, Ireland, she did not have this opportunity. All of us have this opportunity now and yet so, so many of us just take it for granted and do nothing with it! If we (I) all had her same mentality we would be set for life and have no financial worries! I think we have lost touch with this dream our ancestor's from only 4/5 generations had. It scares me to think what another 4/5 generations from now will think...
BTW, the movie was GREAT! It deserves a watch!!! And also a purchase! :o))
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Don't Predict the Future, Realize the Future...
I'm really tired and should be asleep but I have to mention this... Imagine if there was no such thing as time. If there wasn't time, would there be a future? What if our subconscience made maps of possible paths our choices will lead to. What if we have an ability that no one could prove scientifically to visualize all of these maps and determine how our future will be, what if we could predict our future?
I assume I'll wake up tomorrow and be in a rush since I stayed up and typed this crazy blog. I'll try to throw a lunch together and hope to leave exactly 15 minutes before i need to be to work. I'll walk in the front office and do the usual stuff day after day. This is what my life has primarily been for the past 6 years, predictable. Do you think I'm foreseeing my future? Think of where you were yesterday, at whatever the current time may be. Concentrate on yourself and imagine you transferring everything that happened today to yourself from yesterday. When i do this I see multiple reflections of myself from other days. The same reflection as I see today. If we put ourselves back in our shoes from yesterday we're in our future right now, we can recall everything that's going to happen today because it already has happened. Imagine yourself again 1 year from now, and all the mirrors you see of yourself, what has changed? I think we can grab a mirror of ourselves and place it in tomorrow's slot. We don't have to wait years for an eventual change, change can happen tomorrow. We can control of future and we can tell our future self on how to act and react to issues.
Our future isn't based on time, it's based on our past and what we've experienced. Where has our past lead our route for the future.
I assume I'll wake up tomorrow and be in a rush since I stayed up and typed this crazy blog. I'll try to throw a lunch together and hope to leave exactly 15 minutes before i need to be to work. I'll walk in the front office and do the usual stuff day after day. This is what my life has primarily been for the past 6 years, predictable. Do you think I'm foreseeing my future? Think of where you were yesterday, at whatever the current time may be. Concentrate on yourself and imagine you transferring everything that happened today to yourself from yesterday. When i do this I see multiple reflections of myself from other days. The same reflection as I see today. If we put ourselves back in our shoes from yesterday we're in our future right now, we can recall everything that's going to happen today because it already has happened. Imagine yourself again 1 year from now, and all the mirrors you see of yourself, what has changed? I think we can grab a mirror of ourselves and place it in tomorrow's slot. We don't have to wait years for an eventual change, change can happen tomorrow. We can control of future and we can tell our future self on how to act and react to issues.
Our future isn't based on time, it's based on our past and what we've experienced. Where has our past lead our route for the future.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
A 6th sense
Happy Belated Thanksgiving! Hope your dinner was amazing! Mine was! :o)) <-hence the double chin smile!
For some reason the following has been on my mind lately... I'm not sure if I think it's a 6th sense or just a human innate ability within all of us. When our body is telling us how we feel, our mind can override that signal we're receiving. Whether we feel tired, anxious, depressed, happy, I think we are able to snap ourselves out of all of these feelings by ignoring our body and letting the power of our mind take over. Don't think so?
Well it's hard for me to prove but I can remember an old news story about a mother whose child got ran over by someone pulling out of a parking spot, and was then stuck under the car. The mother was so petrified (as one would expect) she gained the strength to pull the car up while someone else pulled away her child from underneath.
I believe when the opportunity calls for action we realize we can do more than what we originally thought we could... I believe this ability is innate and we can utilize it enough in our everyday lives to help change how we currently live. Super strength will only occur from a huge adrenaline boost (which requires a major event, such as the mother's child getting ran over); but I think we can utilize this ability of sudden change in our body's chemistry, with practice. So if you're tired and need to get something done try it. Simply jump out of your seat and do what you need to do as quickly as you possibly can. Have no thought of your tiredness from before and keep forcing yourself to move! Apply this to any feeling you may have!
Perhaps this just sounds strange but all I know is that I can do this, not sure if everyone can?
For some reason the following has been on my mind lately... I'm not sure if I think it's a 6th sense or just a human innate ability within all of us. When our body is telling us how we feel, our mind can override that signal we're receiving. Whether we feel tired, anxious, depressed, happy, I think we are able to snap ourselves out of all of these feelings by ignoring our body and letting the power of our mind take over. Don't think so?
Well it's hard for me to prove but I can remember an old news story about a mother whose child got ran over by someone pulling out of a parking spot, and was then stuck under the car. The mother was so petrified (as one would expect) she gained the strength to pull the car up while someone else pulled away her child from underneath.
I believe when the opportunity calls for action we realize we can do more than what we originally thought we could... I believe this ability is innate and we can utilize it enough in our everyday lives to help change how we currently live. Super strength will only occur from a huge adrenaline boost (which requires a major event, such as the mother's child getting ran over); but I think we can utilize this ability of sudden change in our body's chemistry, with practice. So if you're tired and need to get something done try it. Simply jump out of your seat and do what you need to do as quickly as you possibly can. Have no thought of your tiredness from before and keep forcing yourself to move! Apply this to any feeling you may have!
Perhaps this just sounds strange but all I know is that I can do this, not sure if everyone can?
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