Friday, September 23, 2011
Addiction quickie...
Perhaps I'm addicted to food... I never really thought I was but I am wondering if I'm addicted or perhaps it's only just a habit right now. What determines an addiction from a habit though...? I am wondering this because I am currently not hungry and I have a sinus cold that has prevented me from tasting and smelling. Even though I am not hungry and I can't taste I am still craving a snack late at night! I just ate half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and realized, why am I eating this, I can't even taste it! I need to find a way to break this addiction some how and stick to it whenever I feel these cravings! It's ridiculous on what I eat only when my mind craves food and I'm not actually hungry... and now time for sleep!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Demonic
My demons = Debt, bad eating choices, and the internet
I've probably mentioned this before in previous blogs but it's been a while and this is on my mind, imagine that, right! I absolutely hate not being able to live a life and feeling free from worrying on making enough money to pay bills. ESPECIALLY when the bills are for department store accounts for merchandise you can't even remember purchasing. Now I know mostly of what purchases caused my debt but there is some that I haven't the clue since the debt is probably 6+ years old now...
The good thing is I have come to realize just how evil debt is, it's unfortunate it took me this long but luckily I am not in much debt so working my way out won't be too bad as other people may have it.
I was talking to a friend that recently paid his credit card debt off and he felt frustrated that he had to go back into more debt for his family. His parents are up to their eyeballs in debt (as so many people are nowadays) and could not afford to fly out to be with family at a brother's funeral. This is the real world effect and travesty of debt! If it weren't for my friend having the ability to purchase the flight, his father would have missed his brother's funeral! Being in debt and not being prepared for the unexpected is a terrible way to live through this short life of ours.
As I was saying though, I think I have finally realized this demon of debt and have a plan and motivation to get out of debt and to stay out of debt. I'm glad I realized this now rather than realizing it at 50 years old.
As far as the other 2 demons, bad eating choices and the internet... I have a goal set to lose 35 pounds by christmas to put my weight at 250 and a total of a 78 pound loss! The reason of stating the internet as a demon is becuase it keeps me up too late at night. I'm working on shutting down the computer and going to sleep before 11! Staying up til 2-3 in the morning for the past 3 years is over, my body has felt the effects! Once I get a good month of sleep I'll be anxious to post the results and how it has changed the way I feel. I know I've said this before but this time it's happening! Anywayz, gotta get outta here! Good night blogger universe!
I've probably mentioned this before in previous blogs but it's been a while and this is on my mind, imagine that, right! I absolutely hate not being able to live a life and feeling free from worrying on making enough money to pay bills. ESPECIALLY when the bills are for department store accounts for merchandise you can't even remember purchasing. Now I know mostly of what purchases caused my debt but there is some that I haven't the clue since the debt is probably 6+ years old now...
The good thing is I have come to realize just how evil debt is, it's unfortunate it took me this long but luckily I am not in much debt so working my way out won't be too bad as other people may have it.
I was talking to a friend that recently paid his credit card debt off and he felt frustrated that he had to go back into more debt for his family. His parents are up to their eyeballs in debt (as so many people are nowadays) and could not afford to fly out to be with family at a brother's funeral. This is the real world effect and travesty of debt! If it weren't for my friend having the ability to purchase the flight, his father would have missed his brother's funeral! Being in debt and not being prepared for the unexpected is a terrible way to live through this short life of ours.
As I was saying though, I think I have finally realized this demon of debt and have a plan and motivation to get out of debt and to stay out of debt. I'm glad I realized this now rather than realizing it at 50 years old.
As far as the other 2 demons, bad eating choices and the internet... I have a goal set to lose 35 pounds by christmas to put my weight at 250 and a total of a 78 pound loss! The reason of stating the internet as a demon is becuase it keeps me up too late at night. I'm working on shutting down the computer and going to sleep before 11! Staying up til 2-3 in the morning for the past 3 years is over, my body has felt the effects! Once I get a good month of sleep I'll be anxious to post the results and how it has changed the way I feel. I know I've said this before but this time it's happening! Anywayz, gotta get outta here! Good night blogger universe!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11 - 10 Years Past
It's been a while since I've posted a blog. I haven't forgotten or hadn't had time, just been mulling over ideas of what I want to post. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to open up to everyone and expose myself to anyone reading. I guess I continue because I've decided that I don't give a crap of what people think of me. If people don't like it then stop reading, it's simple.
So I woke up pretty early this morning, earlier than I intended to for a day off... I am glad to be given another day though. Today is September 11th 2011, 10 years since the attacks on America. I get teary eyed seeing those families mourn their loved ones, and anger when thinking of the people that did this and can't help myself but to look at conspiracy videos on Youtube that question if the government had any part in this. The questions and evidence they raise only brings one to question it. I don't think it's un-American to question because I honestly don't trust this government. Questioning if the government had a role does not disrespect those lost, or the service men and woman that gave their lives. It only signals my deep desire rooted in my heart to make sure that those ALL who had a part in the attack pay for what they did with their lives. The death of Osama was an accomplishment but still leaves a feeling that there are more people accountable whom are still alive.
Every anniversary of 9/11 makes me feel an assortment of feelings, mostly that I haven't gotten my personal feeling of satisfaction for revenge. I guess it's a feeling that lingers with all Americans whom experience a tragedy like this one or any of the wars America has been through. The terrorists thought they'd put a crack in America but instead only made us stronger as a nation. I do question if they succeeded in damaging our economy... Not something anyone wants to admit but because of this war, the economy has suffered. We will rebuild and eventually be financially strong again.
You know 9/11 was a defining moment, it hasn't damaged America as a nation but I believe did significantly put America on a different route pre-9/11. I am leaving for now but perhaps I will come back to this conversation at a later time.
So I woke up pretty early this morning, earlier than I intended to for a day off... I am glad to be given another day though. Today is September 11th 2011, 10 years since the attacks on America. I get teary eyed seeing those families mourn their loved ones, and anger when thinking of the people that did this and can't help myself but to look at conspiracy videos on Youtube that question if the government had any part in this. The questions and evidence they raise only brings one to question it. I don't think it's un-American to question because I honestly don't trust this government. Questioning if the government had a role does not disrespect those lost, or the service men and woman that gave their lives. It only signals my deep desire rooted in my heart to make sure that those ALL who had a part in the attack pay for what they did with their lives. The death of Osama was an accomplishment but still leaves a feeling that there are more people accountable whom are still alive.
Every anniversary of 9/11 makes me feel an assortment of feelings, mostly that I haven't gotten my personal feeling of satisfaction for revenge. I guess it's a feeling that lingers with all Americans whom experience a tragedy like this one or any of the wars America has been through. The terrorists thought they'd put a crack in America but instead only made us stronger as a nation. I do question if they succeeded in damaging our economy... Not something anyone wants to admit but because of this war, the economy has suffered. We will rebuild and eventually be financially strong again.
You know 9/11 was a defining moment, it hasn't damaged America as a nation but I believe did significantly put America on a different route pre-9/11. I am leaving for now but perhaps I will come back to this conversation at a later time.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
What I want isn't what I need...
I'm sure you've felt like you really had to have something or just couldn't live without something before. You think about it routinely and you mull over the reasons on why you should and shouldn't obtain it. I've had this issue of mulling over the idea for 11 years now. I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably never stop mulling over the should and shouldn'ts of what I want. I know what I need and the first step to obtaining my need is to realize I actually already have what I want. I've been born with what I want and only need to form it into what I wish...
Sorry for the riddles but I had to blog this for myself... Anywayz...
My weight loss is still at a stand still, 287 now, gained a couple of pounds while I was healing from a bad sunburn from Daytona beach... I'm on a diet plan program but not sure if it's going to work for me... I just want to have lost a total of 50 pounds and feel like I can't get there! It's soo aggravating! I want to be able to go into the mall and fit into clothes! Anywayz, it's getting close to 4 o'clock and I need to get ready to see the final Harry Potter!!! I've started watching the series this past week and absolutely love it! Can't wait to read the books and visit Wizarding World at Universal! More on Harry Potter later!
I <3 all of my anonymous readers!
Sorry for the riddles but I had to blog this for myself... Anywayz...
My weight loss is still at a stand still, 287 now, gained a couple of pounds while I was healing from a bad sunburn from Daytona beach... I'm on a diet plan program but not sure if it's going to work for me... I just want to have lost a total of 50 pounds and feel like I can't get there! It's soo aggravating! I want to be able to go into the mall and fit into clothes! Anywayz, it's getting close to 4 o'clock and I need to get ready to see the final Harry Potter!!! I've started watching the series this past week and absolutely love it! Can't wait to read the books and visit Wizarding World at Universal! More on Harry Potter later!
I <3 all of my anonymous readers!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Quantum physics in a non scientific explanation.
Is this even possible, idk. I probably don't even know what I'm talking about but I just watched Source Code and called what was going to happen before the half of the movie was over! This might contain spoilers so be aware!
In the movie some government agency is experimenting with a new technology that lets this person in a vegetable state (but with some brain matter functioning) connect to the last 8 minutes of a person's conscience right before they die. The agency thought this connection was only their vegetable agent connecting to their last energy before death and seeing their conscience for the last 8 minutes of their life.
What I called was that the agent would eventually come to find that this was not an energy but an alternate reality. The changes he was making were effecting different realities. I predicted that he would resolve the issue before the person dies and that he would return back to the agency and they wouldn't even know what he was talking about when he reported that he solved the situation that killed people, and I was mostly right! Instead of returning he died in one reality but he made contact with the woman working for the government agency and told her what would happen in her future and that the bomb was diverted due to their new technology. They didn't realize that they actually saved lives and that the technology worked.
I was reading some articles online about quantum physics and let me tell you, I understand pretty much nothing! Although the theory of parallel universes has always been unsettling to me, watching this movie had me think of a blog I've written previously. Before I get back into that though read what I found in this article:
-End of quote
Perhaps you right now have just traveled from or to an alternate universe and don't even realize it. Perhaps you made a bad decision and decided to travel back into time (alternate universe) to try and resolve the mistake you made. Only thing is, you don't know the mistake you made. You don't know the mistake because we cannot communicate with our alternate self in a parallel universe all we can do is switch from one universe to the other and hope we correct our mistake.
Suppose I walk down the road and try crossing the busy highway and get hit and killed by a vehicle. I would have been gone from this universe. Perhaps I continue to sit here and type this blog and decide not to walk across the busy highway, would this be my alternate universe? Perhaps when the car hit and killed me, my body flew across the road and caused another accident that killed another innocent life. Could I still sit here and type this blog and at the same time give a call to the innocent person that was about to have my body fall on their windshield in the alternate universe to warn them and maybe save their life? That's what happened in Source Code, he warned of a train accident and prevented it from happening. Luckily the person he told helped prevent this accident, understood this theory and therefore knew it was truth.
So I wonder to myself... perhaps quantum physics isn't something we're going to solve or understand and perhaps we're not supposed to. Perhaps what some call quantum physics and it's alternate universes, are actually just our every day decisions? We will never be able to communicate with our alternate decisions because we didn't make them in this universe. You were brought to the universe you're in right now by your decisions, perhaps every second that passes we're traveling from one to another. What if all of us have this infinite amount of universes that we will all travel through but once we leave it, it's gone. Perhaps there is no "time" and only our souls travel through universe to universe quicker than we can realize. In my blog, "God and His wind-up toy..." I refer to this subject (not knowing at the time that it would relate to quantum physics) as a labyrinth, mazes or paths we choose.
God knows the universe we'll end in.
God gave us the ability to choose.
God sent us on this journey so we could be accountable at the end.
God doesn't predestine us for hell.
God wants souls that are for Him, I don't know the reason but there always is one with Him.
I'm telling you this because my heart is telling me it's rational, it all makes sense and this is what our life is about.
Remember in my blog (I thought I was wacko after reading it) about seeing yourself in a mirror reflection for an infinite amount of times? They can all by the same image and you can even predict the outcome of any movement in all of them! You could also shatter the first mirror and do something drastic that alters inner images that went on for an infinity. This shattering is called making a choice to alter your path.
In the movie some government agency is experimenting with a new technology that lets this person in a vegetable state (but with some brain matter functioning) connect to the last 8 minutes of a person's conscience right before they die. The agency thought this connection was only their vegetable agent connecting to their last energy before death and seeing their conscience for the last 8 minutes of their life.
What I called was that the agent would eventually come to find that this was not an energy but an alternate reality. The changes he was making were effecting different realities. I predicted that he would resolve the issue before the person dies and that he would return back to the agency and they wouldn't even know what he was talking about when he reported that he solved the situation that killed people, and I was mostly right! Instead of returning he died in one reality but he made contact with the woman working for the government agency and told her what would happen in her future and that the bomb was diverted due to their new technology. They didn't realize that they actually saved lives and that the technology worked.
I was reading some articles online about quantum physics and let me tell you, I understand pretty much nothing! Although the theory of parallel universes has always been unsettling to me, watching this movie had me think of a blog I've written previously. Before I get back into that though read what I found in this article:
"Our concepts of cause and effect will fly out the window," says Ben Bova, the science fiction author. "People will -- for various reasons -- try to fix the past or escape into the future. But we may never notice these effects, if the universe actually diverges. Maybe somebody already has invented a time machine and our history is being constantly altered, but we don’t notice the kinks in our path through time."http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/04/05/freaky-physics-proves-parallel-universes/
-End of quote
Perhaps you right now have just traveled from or to an alternate universe and don't even realize it. Perhaps you made a bad decision and decided to travel back into time (alternate universe) to try and resolve the mistake you made. Only thing is, you don't know the mistake you made. You don't know the mistake because we cannot communicate with our alternate self in a parallel universe all we can do is switch from one universe to the other and hope we correct our mistake.
Suppose I walk down the road and try crossing the busy highway and get hit and killed by a vehicle. I would have been gone from this universe. Perhaps I continue to sit here and type this blog and decide not to walk across the busy highway, would this be my alternate universe? Perhaps when the car hit and killed me, my body flew across the road and caused another accident that killed another innocent life. Could I still sit here and type this blog and at the same time give a call to the innocent person that was about to have my body fall on their windshield in the alternate universe to warn them and maybe save their life? That's what happened in Source Code, he warned of a train accident and prevented it from happening. Luckily the person he told helped prevent this accident, understood this theory and therefore knew it was truth.
So I wonder to myself... perhaps quantum physics isn't something we're going to solve or understand and perhaps we're not supposed to. Perhaps what some call quantum physics and it's alternate universes, are actually just our every day decisions? We will never be able to communicate with our alternate decisions because we didn't make them in this universe. You were brought to the universe you're in right now by your decisions, perhaps every second that passes we're traveling from one to another. What if all of us have this infinite amount of universes that we will all travel through but once we leave it, it's gone. Perhaps there is no "time" and only our souls travel through universe to universe quicker than we can realize. In my blog, "God and His wind-up toy..." I refer to this subject (not knowing at the time that it would relate to quantum physics) as a labyrinth, mazes or paths we choose.
God knows the universe we'll end in.
God gave us the ability to choose.
God sent us on this journey so we could be accountable at the end.
God doesn't predestine us for hell.
God wants souls that are for Him, I don't know the reason but there always is one with Him.
I'm telling you this because my heart is telling me it's rational, it all makes sense and this is what our life is about.
Remember in my blog (I thought I was wacko after reading it) about seeing yourself in a mirror reflection for an infinite amount of times? They can all by the same image and you can even predict the outcome of any movement in all of them! You could also shatter the first mirror and do something drastic that alters inner images that went on for an infinity. This shattering is called making a choice to alter your path.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Puzzled
As we age we gain experience and knowledge. These pieces of information are what form us. Some of us miss typical experiences and other just experience a completely different culture. Not one of us are the same, not one of us think the same or look the same. We may share opinions but not in every area of our thought.Uhhh, the stuff that's making me feel depressed right now are things I cannot talk about and it sux... I have no one to talk to and the people that want to listen I don't want them to hear.... what to do!
I want to believe that obtaining my goals will make me happy but I'm wondering if they actually will. What I want feels like it would only come true in a dream, not because I feel like it won't be reached but because I feel horror if it actually came true. Twisted isn't it? Well that's what I'm dealing with... a twisted mess. I need to realign the pieces to create a reality that works, not just one I may want.
Workin out is working out!
Couldn't think of a different title :oP
So I started out at weighing 328 pounds and now proud to say I'm at 284! That's a 44 pound loss! I can't believe I took that much off in only a little over 4 months! I guess that's about right but for someone that's always been overweight it seems like a huge milestone! Most of my body is still flabby but I can start to feel more of my forearms and biceps getting dense. I'm going to lose this weight and get in shape no matter what I have to do! I'm going to make sure I maintain a healthy diet, won't be starving myself. When I lost this weight previously the fad diet was basically starvation...
I think what's motivating me now is I just want to experience a solid body. I don't want any flab, anywhere! I wonder if it's even possible for my body to actually look good when this weight comes off... I guess I can't dwell on it too much just lose this weight and go from there I guess.
OMGawd, losing weight is such a mental battle! The feelings your body goes though because you're making it adjust to something new is tragic! Today I was feeling anger, depression and hate! I know this isn't how i normally feel, I just had to tell myself I can overcome these feelings, I am stronger. My body wants to just go home after work and veg but I forced myself to go to the gym. The gym helped release those feelings as well, which is a great thing!
I made a goal for next month of losing 16 pounds before August! So far it's going good, I'll be sooo happy if I meet this goal! It will put me at a 59 pound loss and at a weight of 269! I think back now to February and think of me stepping on that scale and weighing 328! I will never get to that weight again! So many more things are changing in my life just because of this loss already, I am so excited to get down to 190! Who knows what change that will make in my life!
So I started out at weighing 328 pounds and now proud to say I'm at 284! That's a 44 pound loss! I can't believe I took that much off in only a little over 4 months! I guess that's about right but for someone that's always been overweight it seems like a huge milestone! Most of my body is still flabby but I can start to feel more of my forearms and biceps getting dense. I'm going to lose this weight and get in shape no matter what I have to do! I'm going to make sure I maintain a healthy diet, won't be starving myself. When I lost this weight previously the fad diet was basically starvation...
I think what's motivating me now is I just want to experience a solid body. I don't want any flab, anywhere! I wonder if it's even possible for my body to actually look good when this weight comes off... I guess I can't dwell on it too much just lose this weight and go from there I guess.
OMGawd, losing weight is such a mental battle! The feelings your body goes though because you're making it adjust to something new is tragic! Today I was feeling anger, depression and hate! I know this isn't how i normally feel, I just had to tell myself I can overcome these feelings, I am stronger. My body wants to just go home after work and veg but I forced myself to go to the gym. The gym helped release those feelings as well, which is a great thing!
I made a goal for next month of losing 16 pounds before August! So far it's going good, I'll be sooo happy if I meet this goal! It will put me at a 59 pound loss and at a weight of 269! I think back now to February and think of me stepping on that scale and weighing 328! I will never get to that weight again! So many more things are changing in my life just because of this loss already, I am so excited to get down to 190! Who knows what change that will make in my life!
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